Becky's Burger Emporium Fiction, Programming and Mayhem

Previous chapter | Home | Next chapter

Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision: Chapter 3, Happy Birthday, Ranma.
Rebecca Ann Heineman

Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Duncan Zillman and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me upload chapters to without checking them.

It was morning in a small apartment in Juuban. A flash of light and a pair of very tired Sailor Senshi appeared and collapsed on the floor. The teleportation took a lot of energy out of Sailor Sun. Sailor Io transformed back into Akane while Sailor Sun just snored.

Another session of Senshi battle training ended in a narrow victory for Sailor Sun.
I am going to beat him if it's the last thing I do! Akane thought. "If he didn't blast that sand dune to blind me, I would have had him! Oohhh!!"

Akane looked at her female husband peacefully snoozing on the floor. She thought, "It's a good thing warm water doesn't affect him in that outfit. Oh, just a picture of him wearing that dress as Ranma would be a lifetime worth of blackmail. It's great that Nabiki doesn't know about our little secret."

Akane went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. She had to resist the urge to throw some on Sailor Sun just for fun. Akane knew she could just transform back into Sailor Io and the magic would give her an instant bath and a full makeup treatment. However, there was just no substitute to the real thing. She then took a shower and got herself ready for school.

Akane emerged from the bedroom all dressed in her school uniform. She liked the style they wore at Juuban high more than Furinkan high. Akane noticed Ranma at the kitchen table dressed in his usual red shirt and black pants. Ranma hadn't taken a shower. He cheated. "Honestly Ranma," said Akane, "you are going to break your transformation stick with the number of times you use that thing."

"If you got it, why waste it?" replied Ranma who then looked at Akane with some expectation.

"We are going to be late!" shouted Akane as she ran out the door. Ranma followed with a slightly disappointed look on his face.

Ranma and Akane made it to school with minutes to spare. Their teacher picked up the preprinted detention slips from their desks as they entered the classroom. Usagi was not so lucky. "Why didn't you call to wake me up?" Usagi cried to anyone who would bother to listen.

"It is your responsibility to be on time young lady," the teacher said. "Deal with it. Your classmates have no problem getting here on time," the teacher then looked at Ranma and Akane, "even those who also have trouble telling time can change their habits."

Usagi started to cry but a well-placed glare from the teacher stopped the water works. She whispered to Akane, "you are making me look bad!"

"Alarm clocks. They work." Akane whispered back.

Lunchtime came. The usual gang got together to talk about the usual topics. Ami reminded Rei, Minako, Makoto and Usagi that they were supposed to go to her place to study tonight. Usagi replied, "Do I have to!"

"Yes, your grades suck!" said the four in unison.

"Ah, man!" whimpered Usagi.

"How about you Akane?" asked Ami.

"No, we have to go to Nerima tonight. I promised my family I was going to have dinner with them. It's also laundry day."

Ranma perked up, "Anything special planned for tonight?"

"Nothing unless you count Nabiki sneaking around with a camera."

"Camera? Is she a photographer?" Ami asked inquisitively.

"You COULD say that. But trust me, you don't want her snapping your picture. You never know where they might end up." Ranma then thought about the private modeling sessions 'she' had to endure to pay off loans from the bank of Nabiki. "I'm so glad to be away from that vulture."

Akane sneered a little at that remark and continued, "well at least we will get hang out with our family. I hadn't seen them in over a week."

Ranma asked again, "But is anything special planned for tonight?"

"Hey, Ranma, why do you ask?" Akane looked at Ranma like he was out of his mind for asking again.

"No reason, just asking."

Lunchtime ended. Ranma walked to his next class with his head facing the sidewalk. "Could it be that they forgot?" He sighed and then gave himself some hope. The day was not over yet.

After school, Ranma and Akane took the bus to Nerima and made it to the Tendo Dojo in only twenty minutes. For some odd reason, Ranma wasn't attacked, beaten, challenged or bothered in any way. Well, he was run over by a bicycle. Akane chased off Shampoo before any real delay was caused.

They went in the front door and plopped on the couch. Genma and Soun were in the back playing Shogi. Kasumi was in the kitchen and Nabiki was nowhere to be found. Akane dropped off a bag of laundry she brought with her from Juuban. Kasumi took the bag over to the washroom.

"Well Tendo, time to go to the town meeting," said Genma as he and Soun walked out the door to parts unknown.

"We have to make dinner Akane," Kasumi then took Akane over to the kitchen. Ranma sighed.

Happosai then peeked in the window. "Hey Ranma! Hadn't seen you in a while!"

"What do you want, you old fossil?"

"Nothing that you have! What a haul!" Happosai then turned and ran off holding Akane's laundry bag.

"Oh no, you don't, you old freak!"

Ranma bolted out the back door, jumped the koi pond and over the fence following the short old man on what would be a very long run. "You will give that back!"

"Aw Ranma! Why do you still wear boxers?"

"Because I'm a guy!"

"I can fix that!"

"Oh, no, you won't!"

The argument went out of earshot and out of sight in just seconds. Kasumi said, "I hope he gets back in time for dinner."

"I hope so too," added Akane.

Nightfall. Ranma couldn't believe how fast Happosai could run. It took him over two hours to catch up to the little unnatural creature and wrestle away the laundry bag. Of course on the trip back to the dojo, Happosai kept jumping out at the wrong moment showering Ranma with panties belonging to the nearby women.

Several beatings later, Ranma returned. He went into the house and silently handed the laundry bag back to Akane.

"Thanks Ranma, just stay here for a moment. We'll have dinner ready for you."

"Where're my folks?"

"They're out. Town meeting I think."


Ranma then went to the back of the house. He was depressed and thought, "No one cares about today except me. Even my own mom forgot."

Ranma couldn't take it anymore; he went outside and jumped onto the roof just to be alone. The quiet didn't last long.

"I got you a birthday present Ranma!" cried Happosai excitedly. "I hope you like it!"

Ranma was taken aback. He thought, "Not Happosai! Why of all people did Happosai be the only one to remember that today was my birthday?" Ranma took the small gift-wrapped box and looked at Happosai with a little suspicion.

"What! Aren't you going to open it?"

"Will this explode?"


"Will I regret it?"

"Ranma my boy! This is a birthday gift! Can't you take a birthday present from your master?"

"Ok, let me see what we got here." Ranma opened the present and found a beautiful bra. A microsecond later, Happosai produces a glass of water and splashed Ranma with it. Ranko sighed and thought, "I'm too depressed to kill him for this."

"Oh, please please please try it on! I got it from Victoria's Secret just for you." Happosai gave Ranko the googly eyes and held his hands over his mouth with a look that would scare children and terrify most adults.

Ranko just didn't care anymore. They all forgot her birthday. Akane, Nabiki, Usagi, Rei and even mom didn't remember. No one remembered. "Ok, just this once."

Happosai's nose began to bleed. His brain vapor locked. He couldn't believe his ears. "Ranko was going to wear a bra for me! Oh, happy day!" Happosai thought as he held his composure. He didn't want to miss this for the whole world.

Ranko turned so that only her back was visible to Happosai. She looked at the bra and noticed that it was indeed a very nice one. White smooth Lycra with just a tiny bow in the center and trimmed with just a hint of lace. She checked the size and found that Happosai got it right. Ranko turned her head to make sure that little pervert wasn't trying anything funny. Happosai was just standing there, arms bend, hands on his chin and visibly shaking. Ranko removed her shirt and quickly put on the bra. After adjusting it for fit, she simply turned around.

Happosai's eyes grew to the size of saucers, then the pupils rolled up and he fainted dead away. Blood pooled on the side of his nose.

"Hmm, if I knew that's all I had to do to kill him, I would have done this years ago," said Ranko. She then put her shirt back on and climbed down off the roof. "Wearing a bra does feel more natural." She left Happosai's inert body hoping that it would just rot away. Ranko thought, "He remembered my birthday, at least let him die a happy man."

Once on the ground, Ranko gazed at the night sky. "How could Akane forget my birthday?" She thought. "Oh, well."

"Ranma!" Akane called out as she saw her red haired husband, "Come over here." Akane took Ranko's hand and escorted her over to the Tendo Dojo. Ranko was still looking at the ground felling sorry for herself when Akane clasped her hands over Ranko's eyes.

"Now what?" Asked Ranko as she was shoved into the dojo. Akane released her hands from Ranko's face.

"SURPRISE!!!" shouted an entire dojo full of people.

Ranko stood there totally dumbfounded. Not that difficult considering the birthday guest's total lack of common sense.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANMA!" Everyone was there. The Tendos, the Saotomes, Ukyou, Konatsu, Miss Hinako, the Senshi (In human form), and even Ryoga were there.

"Hey, birthday girl, catch!" Ryoga sent a kettle of hot water towards Ranko smacking her on the head.

Ranma then gave a bug eyed look, as the bra he was wearing now was suddenly several sizes too small. "Uh, I'll be right back," Ranma wheezed as he ran out the door and quickly removed the bra and shoved it in his pocket.

"Ryoga! Why did you do that?" shouted Akane.

"Doesn't Ranma prefer to be male?" replied Ryoga.

"Yes, but hitting him in the head with a kettle is no way to treat my HUSBAND!" Akane then smacked Ryoga with the infamous hammer O'chi.

"I've got to get her to teach me that trick." Nabiki muttered, "It will come in handy."

Ranma reappeared in the doorway, still wheezing from the chest-crushing bra of death. "You guys did this for me?"

"Well, duh!" Nabiki replied.

"It was all Akane's idea," said a glowing Kasumi, "wasn't that so thoughtful?"

"Well, my boy get in here!" Genma said as he grabbed his stunned son over to the table and shoved him into his seat. The obligatory party hat was produced and Nodoka tried to put it on her son's head.

"Mom!!! I don't want to look like a dork!" Ranma successfully dodged the hat.

"Very well," his mother put the party hat away.

"Let's light the candles!" Kasumi gleefully clicked the lighter and lit the candles on the cake and gently pushed the cake over to the birthday boy.

"Cake! Cake! Cake! Hurry up, I want cake!" Miss Hinako cried as she and Usagi started bouncing in anticipation to an imminent sugar rush. Usagi added, "don't forget the ice cream too!"

Rei added, "Please leave some for us."

"What should I wish for?" Ranma said as he gazed at the cake and took in the fact that he was worried for nothing. He was surrounded by friends and family who he now knows, truly loved him.

Nabiki thought, "I'd wish for a billion yen."

Ukyou thought, "I'd wish the marriage was annulled."

Kasumi thought, "Oh, how sweet this is."

Konatsu thought, "I'd wish Ukyou would love me."

Miss Hinako thought, "Cake!"

Usagi thought, "ICE CREAM!"

Akane thought, "Hurry up before the place burns down."

Ranma closed his eyes. He thought of a wish. Erased that idea. Tried another wish. Blanked that out too. He looked up and saw Akane's eyes and really short hair. He thought, "I wish for Akane's hair to be back the way it was." He then blew out the candles.

"I hope you get your wish Ranma." Akane smiled.

Ranma just smiled back. "You know, you are cute when you smile like that."

Akane blushed. Ukyou held back her jealous rage and thought, "This is Ranma's party, must not pummel. Must not pummel."

"Mistress, if you wish, we can leave now," Konatsu whispered gently to Ukyou.

Ukyou pulled back her battle aura and went to Ranma, "Happy birthday Ranma honey. Hope to see you at the shop sometime soon." She gave a cute girlish wink and stepped out with Konatsu following close behind.

The party moved along with the cake and ice cream being devoured by Usagi and Miss Hinako. They were tag teaming for the coveted prize of the most calories consumed in a single sitting. Time came to open the presents. Nodoka held out her presents to Ranma.

"Thank you mom." Ranma took the first present. It was a medium sized box and he ripped it open and found a picture frame inside. The photo was old and worn, but it was clear what was in the photo. It was a picture of Ranma as a 5-year-old boy, sitting in the lap of his mother under a cherry tree. His mother had a look of pure joy on her face. The little boy was just holding a sandwich and was munching on it. It was a picture of a perfect day.

"Mom? This... This is..."

"Yes my son. It was the only memory I had of you for such a long time. I don't need it anymore. I have you now."

"I guess you'll need this then," uttered Nabiki as she took a digital photo of mother and son. "No charge Saotome. That's my present to you and your mom."

"Gee, thanks Nabiki." Ranma sarcastically replied.

"Thank you very much Nabiki, that was very thoughtful," said Nodoka. "I would like it as a medium portrait size."

Ranma noticed that there was a second present from his mother. It was a long tube. He then carefully removed the wrapping and found what he thought he would find. It was Nodoka's katana.

"I have no need of it anymore."

"I don't know what to say."

"Thank you, would be nice."

Ranma looked at the katana and with great respect said, "Thank you."

"Hurry up and open the rest of the presents!" Whined Usagi.

"Open mine Ranma." Akane then thrust a box in front of Ranma's face. The odor gave away the contents.

"You didn't, did you?" Ranma timidly said.

"Yep, made them myself!"

"Why me?" thought Ranma. He then opened the box with the excitement of a man going to the gallows. Inside the box were 4 chocolate covered things. Ranma tried to identify them but couldn't. "Thanks, Akane."

"Try one!" Akane beamed with childish glee.

Ranma melted at the vision of loveliness that was before him. Just seeing Akane so happy made what was about to happen more inevitable. "Thank goodness for major medical coverage," thought Ranma as he took one of the chocolate things.
Was it REALLY chocolate? He took a bite.

He then paused.

He then waited for death.

Nothing happened.

Then he actually started to chew it.
And it tasted good! It was just a misshapen blob of chocolate. "I'M SAVED!" thought Ranma, almost actually uttering the words.

"I supervised Akane, she is starting to actually make some real progress," Kasumi proudly said about her sister. "She will be a wonderful cook someday."

Akane added, "I still think it needed some vanilla."

"That was salad oil Akane. Please take the time to read the labels."

"I did read the label!"

"We will discuss this later Akane." Kasumi smiled her all knowing smile.

Cold water went flying in the air and just missed Ranma's face. "Ranma my boy! Show off your present!" Happosai screamed with joy.

"Happosai gave you a present? I'm afraid to ask." Akane said.

"Don't be shy, here let me help you." Happosai then chucked a bucket of water at Ranma who ducked.

A flurry of water balloons followed. Ranko stood there drenched.

"Stop it you old pervert!"

Minako looked at Happosai and recognized him. "You're the underwear thief aren't you?!?"

Rei added, "Yes, you were at my temple last month!"

Makoto shrieked, "It was YOU wasn't it!"

Haruka glared as she rolled up her sleeves, "Payback time!"

"Now, now ladies! I'm certain we can clear up this misunderstanding!" Happosai started to backpedal. Then he broke into a run as the Sailor Senshi in human guise chased Happosai out the door and into the night.

Ranko just stood there as she watched the screaming crowd run out of sight. "I've got to ask them how this turned out at the next meeting."

"Oh my, this was an exciting birthday! We should do this again soon." said Kasumi as she began the work of cleaning up the mess.

It was very late in the evening. All the guests had gone home. Ranma was sitting on the couch next to his wife who was snuggling in his lap.

"This was the best birthday I ever had. Thank you, dear." He then kissed her on the head and went to sleep.

Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and keeps me from making that bump in the night sound you hear at midnight.

Last edited on September 28, 2002

Previous chapter | Home | Next chapter