Becky's Burger Emporium Fiction, Programming and Mayhem

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Sailor Ranko: Just Add Water: Chapter 5, Hi Mom!
Rebecca Ann Heineman

Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Duncan Zillman and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or force me to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.

Akane was helping Ranko dress for her waitress job. "Oh, this kimono is so flattering on your figure."

Ranko looked at herself and admired the view. "Why yes it is. Could you fix my bow?" Akane fluffed up the bow on the back of Ranko's kimono while Ranko finished applying lipstick.

Akane sighed, "Sometimes you scare me."

"Why? Because I'm more woman than you can handle?" Ranko giggled.

Akane gently twitched her left eyelid.

Ranko turned around and made a girlish pose. She made another pose. She batted her eyes and kissed the air. She posed again. Sailor Moon would have been proud. "Well? Like what you see?"

Akane gently slapped Ranko's butt. "Get to work you pervert!"

"Look who's calling ME a pervert?" In a Shampoo like voice Ranko chirped, "Pervert girl marry Ranma!" Ranko stuck her tongue out and with ladylike grace, gingerly walked toward the front door to go to the subway station. It was time for another day at the sushi bar. She got to the door and was about to open it when she sensed someone coming into the building. "Oh no..."

Akane felt the presence too. "He's here isn't he."


Akane went to the balcony. She sensed the area and found the photographer was gone but his camera was still there. "Can't go out this way."

Ranko wondered how to get rid of the unwanted guest. "Shall we push him down the stairs?"

"I say we shove him down the stairs."

"Push him!"

"Shove him!"

A knock sounded on the door and the two girls spun towards the entrance of the apartment. Ranko looked at her hands, "Ah man, and I just did my nails. Could you deal with him?"

Akane groaned, "You can be such a girl sometimes!" She went to the door.

"Hey!" Ranko sped to the bathroom and out of sight.

Akane opened the door. She knew who was there.

A bouquet of dark red flowers was shoved in Akane's face. Tatewaki Kuno took a look inside. He pulled out his bokken. "These flowers to not compare to your beauty Akane Tendo! Where is your cousin, the pig-tailed one?" He had a second bouquet of pink and light red flowers ready for his other true love.

"What are you doing here?" Akane was trying to be polite. She didn't want Kuno's body being hurled out the window to be caught on film.

"I am here to grace your presence. These flower's beauty pale in comparison to the raw grace and charm you possess."

Akane blushed. He was actually trying to compliment Akane instead of himself.

"I see my words have the desired effect. I am honored. Shall we leave on our date now?" Tatewaki stood aside from the doorway to allow Akane to exit. He held his arm outward in a gesture for her to leave.

Akane was still in her Juuban High School uniform. She was dressed to date with Kuno but the thought of being anywhere near that wolf disgusted her to enough to wipe away the blush. "Kuno, please leave. I am not going on any date with you. I am a married woman." She handed him his flowers back.

"What spell has that sorcerer cast on you that you would be his slave?"

"He didn't cast any spell on me! I'm his wife. Get it?" She showed her ring finger. She really wanted to extend a different finger, but she was still trying to be polite.

"You are destined to wed with me." Kuno spoke with an air of seriousness.

Akane was fuming. "Why are you so dense? Were you born stupid? Or was it the result of years of practice? Get the hint! I am not marrying you EVER!"

Ranko was hiding in the bathroom and was holding back the urge to lthrow up. She looked at the clock. She was going to miss the subway train if Kuno didn't leave in a minute.

Kuno was taken aback. "How could you refuse to enter the house of Kuno? It is a noble house dating back for centuries. Saotome has truly corrupted your soul."

Akane was glowing blue. Her aura was starting to build. "I am a Saotome now." She dropped her battle aura. She smiled and hid her clenched fist behind her back. "Please go home Kuno, there is nothing for you here."

Kuno gently pushed Akane aside as he stormed into the apartment. "Where are you Saotome? Show yourself you coward. How dare you force Akane to speak those untrue words?"

Ranko slammed the bathroom door shut the moment that Kuno entered the apartment. "Sun Star Power, Make Up!"

Kuno was in the living room when he heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom. Akane grew tense since she knew exactly what the sound was. She saw the balcony window was open and the photographer could possibly take of picture of inside the apartment. She rushed to the balcony to draw the drapes.

Kuno went to the bathroom. He tried to open the door but it was locked. "So Saotome, you coward! Hiding in the bathroom? I expected as much from such a dishonorable man as you." Kuno turned the doorknob a second time and it opened the door.

He leapt into the bathroom with his bokken ready. A bucket of water that was attached to the door fell on his head. Kuno pulled the bucket off and saw the room was empty. "What foul magic is this?"

Akane breathed a sigh of relief that Sailor Sun teleported out. "Kuno, get out before I call the police."

"Why would you do that? I am here to rescue you."

Akane studied Kuno and analyzed his body for a simple weak spot. She saw at least ten places she could strike to end his miserable life. She wished that murder was not against the code of the martial artist. She gave a simple karate chop to his neck and he was out cold. Akane looked at his body. "Too easy. Now what shall I do with this loser?" She sighed. "I'm going to have to talk to Nabiki about this."


Sailor Sun was sitting on a dock on Tokyo Bay. She had her booted feet hanging over the edge and she lazily kicked them back and forth. She was about four blocks from her job at the Edokko Sushi restaurant. She enjoyed the view of the bay. She watched the boats sail by going on their merry way. She looked down at her gloved hands and playfully created a fireball and juggled it back and forth. Sailor Sun tossed the ball of flame into the water and it made a sizzling sound as it hit the ocean's surface. She made a little game of it. She created small fireballs and threw them at spots on the water. Her aim was almost perfect.

She was letting the magic power flow through her body and it was a powerful feeling. Being Sailor Sun was the most wondrous thing ever to happen to her in her life. She felt like she could do anything. She just had to take the time to master her powers properly. She thought about her new family, the family of the Sailor Senshi that she and Io recently joined. She giggled thinking about Sailor Moon and her alter ego Usagi Tsukino. Sun thought, "How did that girl become our leader?"

Sun stretched out and looked at the stars. She could touch them. She knew one day she would travel out there. The thoughts of what lay ahead was intoxicating and frightening. She had already helped save the world several times. She was so proud of herself that she was who she was.

Her communicator beeped, bringing her mind back to planet Earth. She pulled her communicator out. "Sun here."

Akane was on the other end. "Are you ok?"

Sun smiled, "I'm fine. I'm near my job. I'm early so I'm just killing time. Did you get rid of Kuno?"

Akane smiled. "Yep, I took out the trash."

Sun smiled back, "Well, I get off at ten. Could you call my mom and see if it's alright to visit at 10:30?"

"Well if we hurry with our teleport, we could get there right after 10."

Sun was amazed at Akane's change of heart, "I thought you didn't want to press our luck?"

"Ok, 10:30 it is then. I'll meet you here and we can go together."

Sun felt so right talking to Akane, "See you tonight dear." She paused. "I love you."

Akane blushed a bit, "I love you too dear."

Sun turned off her communicator. She happily practiced throwing tiny fireballs into the water. She had a few people crowd near her watching her. She didn't mind, she was thinking about Akane and it filled her heart with joy.


Kuno woke up sometime later. He was covered in garbage from the dumpster near the apartment building. "Hmm, I must find Saotome and force him to release Akane from his grasp!" He crawled out of the trash and fell to the pavement. Kuno took a step away from the smelly garbage and brushed himself off. "Hmm, I need to cleanse myself of this filth. I cannot date with the fair Akane Tendo or the pig-tailed one in this fashion. Sasuke!"

Sasuke popped out from behind the dumpster. "Yes, master?"

"Oh, there you are. I need to be taken home so that I may partake in a proper bath." He boarded the rickshaw that Sasuke pulled out from behind the dumpster.

Sasuke started his now daily run back to Nerima. He thought, "How about you soak your head until it's not so dense? Oh, Master, why do you do these things to yourself?" Sasuke pulled the rickshaw out of sight.

Sailors Io and Venus stepped out from behind the bushes near the entrance of the apartment building. Venus was bummed, "Ah, and I wanted to have some fun."

Io was disappointed too, "Thanks for coming on short notice Venus."

"No problem. Hey! Wanna play some one on one?" Venus pulled a basketball from subspace.

Sailor Io grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."

Venus grinned back to Io. Venus had an idea. "Wanna play like this?" She pointed to her fuku.

Io pulled at her skirt. "Why not? I've always wanted to try this, let's consider it training." Sailor Io pointed a finger at Venus. "No magic attacks!"

"If you don't use ki attacks, deal."

The two Senshi ran to a park nearby with a basketball court. They played for thirty minutes and had a great time. The crowd that gathered was amazed at the speed and agility the two girls showed in their little game. Once the crowd got too large, the girls decided to call it a night. They took a little bow and ran their separate ways.


Akane was applying her makeup. She usually didn't do this on trips to her family but she knew that Ranko wouldn't have time to change. Akane didn't want Ranko to look more like a girl than she did. They had to hurry to get to the Tendo residence before everyone wanted to get to sleep.

At 10:10 a familiar flash appeared in the living room and Sailor Sun plopped on the ground fast asleep. Akane went over to her sleeping husband, "Welcome home Ranko!" She checked the drapes and made sure they were still closed and no one outside could have seen the flash.

Akane finished up in the bedroom, she had on a pretty kimono much like Ranko's and had her hair freshly washed and shampooed. She applied just a hint of perfume and looked her best. She was a match for Ranko's current feminine grace. She heard a groan in the living room. Akane transformed into Sailor Io. She hated teleporting as a person since it made her very ill, but in Sailor guise, it didn't bother her at all.

Io stood next to Sun. "Wake up sleepy head."

Sun moaned, "I will once the room stops moving."

Io helped up Sun and got her on the couch. "Why don't you take a ten minute break?" Io pulled her purse out of subspace and checked if she had everything. It was a neat trick that once someone transformed, they could grab their purse and other items that vanished during the change from the pocket dimension. However, it seemed that clothes couldn't be taken out. Io shivered at the thought of someone playing a joke by taking someone else's clothes out of subspace and not telling them before they changed back.

Io put her hand back into subspace and rummaged around. She found Sun's purse and pulled it out. She saw Sun's bottle of cold water was not full so she went to the sink to fill it. She put the bottle back into the purse and made it disappear again. She was going to have to ask what happened for her to use the water.

Sun came to. She got up. "Are you ready to go?"

"Sure you don't want to rest for a bit longer?"

Sun grabbed Io. "Nope." They flashed out.

The two Senshi appeared over someone else's backyard. They landed with a thud after falling two meters. Io slapped her husband gently, "You should've rested some more." She looked around to see where they landed. They were in the neighbor's yard about six houses down from the Tendo household. Io didn't feel so bad. She stood up and brushed herself off. She sensed that no one saw them arrive so the damage was minimal. She shook her husband to wake her.

Sun zoned back into reality, "Huh?"

"We're in the Miyamoto's backyard. Let's go."

"Oh yeah, they are the one's with the..." Sun bugged her eyes out.

Io sighed. She heard the sound that put fear into Sun's heart. "Meow."

Sun started shaking. Io pulled Sun up, "Let's go this way."

Sun didn't argue. She wanted to escape the presence of the feline ambassador from hell. She leapt over the wall into a dumpster filled with cats. "C-c-c-ats!!!"

Sun jumped skyward and ran down the street at high speed. Io gave chase.


Nabiki was finally getting home from her date. She was able to get dinner, ice cream and a movie from her latest pet. She felt a little guilty, but she knew the relationship was going nowhere. She'll show mercy and dump him gently tomorrow. She was walking toward the house when a red haired girl in a red mini-skirt ran by screaming the word "Cats!"

Nabiki pushed herself against a wall to keep this wacky girl from running her over. She mumbled to herself, "Wow, and I thought Ranma was the only moron afraid of cats." She pulled away from the wall in time to see a second girl in a yellow mini-skirt run by. The girl glanced at Nabiki and slowed down just a tad. She then leapt into the sky and onto the rooftops in the same general direction of the psycho redhead.

"Now that's something you don't see everyday." She shrugged. It's Nerima. She went home.


Sailor Sun started to slow down. She didn't sense the feline death squad behind her and she started to calm down. A moment later, Sailor Io landed directly in front of her and held her open hand out. "Stop!" Sun didn't have time and she plowed into Io and they both rolled around to a stop.

Sun was gasping for air, "Did those things follow me?"

Io kicked Sun off of her. "No. They're long gone."

Sun was still hyper sensitive. She looked around for those dark evil felines. She calmed down some more.

Io sat up. "You know we just ran five kilometers."

"We did?"

Io got up, "Let's run back to the dojo."


"Deal with it!"

Sun took a deep breath. "I can deal with it."

The two girls ran at high speed back to the Tendo residence.


Genma and Soun had already gone to bed. Nodoka and Kasumi were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Nodoka was staying up to see her son and daughter-in-law. The front door opened and Nodoka put on a cheerful smile and greeted the visitor. She was a little disappointed that it was Nabiki who came in.

"Hi everyone!" Nabiki smiled. "I'm home."

"Hello Nabiki. You didn't by any chance see Ranma or Akane when you came in did you?" Nodoka hopefully asked.

"No, but I did bump into two girls I think may have been those Sailor Senshi they talk about. Now that I think about it. Yes, the one in the yellow dress was the one who beat up Kuno." Nabiki started to think about the two girls a little bit more in depth.

Nodoka cheered up. She had a feeling she knew who those two girls were. If she were right, Ranma would be here soon. "Was one a red head?"

"Yes, the first one was. The other one had short bluish black hair like Akane's." Nabiki tilted her head. She thought, "Red head? Brunette? Nah! They didn't look anything like those two. Besides, Ranma wouldn't be caught dead in a Sailor Senshi mini-skirt."

Nodoka bowed and glowed. "Thank you, Nabiki." She happily walked back to the kitchen. She needed to prepare for her son's imminent arrival. He would be hungry.

Nabiki noticed Nodoka's change in demeanor. She pondered quietly, "Ok, this is just too weird, even for Nerima."

The door opened and two girls came in. Nabiki turned her head and saw Ranko and Akane in cute kimonos. She was impressed with Ranko's makeup. Ranko was beautiful. She even had her nails done. Nabiki rushed upstairs to get her camera. She went to her desk, grabbed the camera and made sure it had plenty of film and finally thought, "Ok, the weird factor has gone off the scale. I'm going to get some answers."


Nodoka and her two remote family members were chatting up a storm. It was all girl talk. Nabiki sat on the couch pretending to read a manga but was listening to the conversation intently. She picked up that Kuno stopped by and Akane took care of the problem. Nabiki hoped that Akane would spill the beans on what exactly she did to him. It might make great rumor info at school.

Ranko smiled. She turned to Nabiki. "You know, if you are going to listen, you might as well join in."

Nabiki grimaced. She was caught in the act. She put down her manga and sat at the dinner table. She immediately noticed that Ranko was actually holding her rice bowl properly and not inhaling her food. Ranko was still eating at an accelerated rate and two empty bowls showed that her appetite hadn't changed. However, she was actually trying to act like a lady. She turned to Nodoka and got her answer.

Nodoka had her chopsticks held in her hand like a teacher held a ruler near an unruly child. It was obvious that Nodoka was keeping Ranko in line. Akane was trying to hide her glee but once in a while she giggled when Nodoka gently slapped Ranko when she started to wolf down the rice again.

Nabiki chose her questions carefully, "So, Ranko, why are you a girl today?"

Ranko paused, "I just got off work. You remember where I work don't you?" She gave an accusing stare.

Nabiki was intrigued. Ranko usually gave lame answers that gave away the truth. She was getting much better at hiding things. That meant she was hiding something really important. "And you Akane, do you work there too?"

"Oh no, I just wanted to dress up." Akane smiled and ate a pickle.

"You two came on the bus dressed like that? I'm impressed." Nabiki took notice that the kimonos were perfectly clean all the way to the bottom. She could never get across town without soiling the bottom of her kimono. "When did you get off the bus?"

Akane blinked. "About uh... Fifteen minutes ago."

Nabiki was beyond suspicious. She came off the bus. Those two were not on the bus or she would have been with them. She picked up a pickle and took a bite. She asked, "Did you see anything strange tonight?"

Ranko stopped eating to offer an insult, "The only weird thing I saw today was you." She put her bowl down. "And Tatewaki. Nabiki, how could you!"

Akane stared at her sister. "Yes, how could you?"

Nabiki sat up straight. "He was going to find out sooner or later. Why not make some money?"

Nodoka shot a glance at Nabiki and was angry that she gave her katana to her daughter. It was time to buy a new katana. "Nabiki? What did you do?"

Ranko frowned, "She sold our address to Tatewaki Kuno. He stopped by our apartment today demanding that Akane marry him."

Akane slammed her rice bowl on the table. "It was so peaceful until you ruined it. Oh, Nabiki..." She put her head down and looked away from her sister. "I thought you cared about us. I thought you cared about me."

Ranko and Nodoka just stared at Nabiki. It made her uncomfortable. That was the desired effect.

Nabiki felt a chill run down her spine as if she might have gone a little too far. She put the half-eaten pickle down. She wasn't hungry anymore.

Ranko sat up straight. "Nabiki, I hope you realized what you have done. Kuno was hanging out in front of our school, he almost got me fired and now he is stalking our apartment. Until you sold him our address, he was out of our lives." Ranko wanted to beat Nabiki, but she couldn't hurt someone who can't defend herself.

Nabiki slowed down her breathing and slowly blinked her eyes. "I... I..." She didn't want to ruin her reputation as the ice queen. She turned away and slowly walked toward the stairs.

Nodoka stood up and blocked the stairway. "I think you owe them an apology."

Nabiki without turning around stuttered, "I... I'm s... sor..." She was making a huge effort to not say it. She felt guilty but not enough to give the right response.

Nodoka gave a stern look. She even raised a hint of a battle aura. "APOLOGIZE! Have you no honor?"

Nabiki shouted back to Nodoka, "I'm SORRY!" She glared at the two girls left at the table. She whispered toward her sister. "I'm sorry Akane."

Nodoka moved aside. Nabiki quickly ran up the stairs to her room. She shut the door. Nodoka took a small breath and sat down next to her daughter.

Ranko slid closer to her mother. "It's good to be with you mom." She gave a hug and held her mother close.

Kasumi came from the kitchen from all the noise. She stood next to Akane and both girls had visions of holding their dear departed mother. Akane stared at Ranko and her mother and wished that her mother could see her now. Akane missed her mother dearly.

Nodoka saw Akane's sad look. "Come my child." She held out her arm.

Akane got up and sat on the other side of Nodoka and gave her a hug as well. "Thank you mother." Akane was happy to have her mother-in-law in her life.

Kasumi gave response number 15, "Oh, how wonderful."

A few moments went by and Akane noticed a gentle sound coming from upstairs. She left the group hug to check on her sister.

Akane crept up to Nabiki's door and listened carefully. She could hear a quiet sobbing coming from inside the room. She knocked quietly. "Nabiki, can I come in?"

A moment passed. Akane turned the knob and entered. The room was dark and only the light of the moon gave any illumination. She followed the sound and knelt next to the bed. Nabiki was lying on top of her covers. She was face down on her bed.

Akane sat next to Nabiki for fourteen minutes. She said not a word. She just listened to her sister cry. She knew that her sister would be too proud to make a formal apology, but the tears were enough. Akane got up and went to the doorway and faced her sister. "Nabiki, I forgive you."

She walked out and closed the door. Nabiki out of earshot quietly whispered, "Thank you."


Akane slowly walked down the stairs and saw a strange sight. Ranko was standing in the living room, walking around with ten books on her head. Nodoka had a look of amusement on her face. "What's going on here?"

Nodoka without missing a beat replied, "Bridal training."

Akane opened her mouth like a koi fish. "Uh..."

Ranko dropped her head causing the books to fall. She started laughing. Nodoka started laughing as well.

"Uh..." Akane was holding on the railing to keep from fainting.

Ranko turned to Nodoka, "Bridal training? Is that what you want me to learn?" Ranko turned to Akane, "Mom was showing me how to walk like a lady. That's all." She turned back to her mother. "Don't give my wife a heart attack mom!"

Akane put her face in her hands. "Ranko, listen to yourself. What you just said didn't make any sense."

Ranko thought about the walking like a lady part followed by the wife reference. "Ok, so that was odd." Ranko stooped over to pick up the books and placed them on the living room table.

Kasumi popped out from the kitchen, "Now, you'd better get going home or you should spend the night here. You don't want to be late for school tomorrow."

Ranko hopped to the table to finish up her food. Akane helped Nodoka up from the floor. "Yes, we should be going home. Ready to go Ranko?"

Ranko was wolfing down her food. "In... A... Minute..." Nodoka swatted Ranko's arm. "Ok, mom. I get the point." Ranko slowed down her eating again.

"Maybe I really should give you bridal training." Nodoka smirked.

Ranko stopped. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"You would."

"Starting Saturday."

"You are." Ranko sunk.

"And you'd better come here properly dressed."

"Or what?"

"Or hot water will hit you at the wrong time."

Ranko freaked. "Ok! Ok! You win!" She thought to herself, "For now."

Nodoka turned to Akane, "I expect you to be here as well."

Akane beamed, bridal training included cooking lessons. "Of course mother."

Ranko sighed. "Well, let's go home now." She put down her empty rice bowl and got up.

Kasumi picked up the dishes. "Oh, I forgot to ask, have either of you seen Happosai?"

Ranko and Akane glanced at each other. Akane answered, "No, we haven't seen him. Why?"

"Well, he didn't come to dinner. That is not like him."

Ranko silently smiled. She thought, "Maybe he won't come to dinner ever again." The thought made her give out a tiny giggle.

Kasumi slightly dropped her smile. "This isn't funny Ranko. If you see him, please let me or Father know."

Ranko closed her eyes and used her Senshi senses to pick out the old freak. She felt something odd about Happosai's room. "Kasumi, when was the last time you saw Happosai?"

"He was here last night at dinner. I have not seen him all day today."

Ranko went to Happosai's room and opened the door. The room was neat and tidy except for a pentagram drawn in wax in the center of the room. Ranko felt a strange vibration from the pentagram. It wasn't evil, but it felt magical. She was about to leave when she saw the hoof prints. They were about thirty-five centimeters wide and were pressed into the hardwood floor. Whatever made these prints was extremely heavy. "Akane!"

Akane came running in. Ranko pointed at the hoof prints. "I think we've found Ami's youma." Akane felt a wave of fear. If Happosai was involved, it was going to be very bad.

Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and keeps me from making that bump in the night sound you hear at midnight.

Last edited on November 18, 2002

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