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Sailor Ranko: Just Add Water: Chapter 4, Happosai, I Choose You!
Rebecca Ann Heineman

Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Duncan Zillman and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me wear a Sailor fuku. Okay, I might look cute in one.

Happosai was pouring through his collection of ancient scrolls and forbidden books. He was looking for just the right incantation of dark magic to make an example out of Ranma. "Somehow," the dark little pervert thought, "he has made an alliance with the Sailor Scouts. He didn't even have the decency to invite his old master! Oh, the skirts! Spandex! Pretty l-l-ladies!"

He turned the page of the book. Should he cast a spell for poison apples? No, Akane would kiss him and wake him up. A spell to prick his finger and kill him? No, Akane would kiss him and revive him. Should he cast a spell to turn him into a frog? No, Akane would kiss him and change him back. What's with this kissing business?

Should he cast a spell for shrinking him? He thought of stepping on him like a bug. That made the old geezer happy. He frowned thinking about a bug sized Ranma crawling up his pants and ki blasting his private parts. He shivered at the idea. He tossed the book aside.

He unsealed a scroll that had evil vibrations emitting from it. He read the title. "101 uses for a dead dragon." Darn, dragons were hard to come by this day and age.

He tossed the scroll down. There must be something that would make Ranma finally understand that he must obey and respect the will of Happosai. He grinned. He reached for his Moxibustion tome and opened it. It fell apart from age. Happosai screamed in anguish. He slammed the book closed and it fell into a pile of dust.

He found another nasty looking book called "The Necronomicon." He picked it up and looked at the cover. It was bound in human flesh and was written in blood. He gleefully opened it. An undead zombie appeared in the room, "I want to eat your brain!"

Happosai closed the book and saw on the cover his mistake. He read the words that were on the post-it note taped there. He chanted "Klatuu, Barada, Nikto!" The zombie and the book disappeared. "Drat! There was some good stuff in there!"

He stomped up and down in the center of his room. He paused for a moment and jumped into the closet and dragged out a large wooden chest. He pushed the dirty magazines off of it and inserted an arcane key into the lock. He popped it open and blew away the dust off the edges of the chest. He peered inside.

The chest contained simple pieces of jewelry and several small boxes. Some had wards glued onto them. Happosai was pleased. He pulled out some of the boxes and selected one with a really nasty and complicated ward on it. Whatever was contained in this box, someone went to a lot of trouble to seal it.

Happosai didn't bother to read the warning on the bottom of the box. He made a pentagram of protection in the center of the room and removed the seal. The box shook and popped out of Happosai's hands and fell on the floor.

The box opened and a plume of fire erupted and formed into a giant demon that barely fit in the room. Its horns were dark reddish gray and were shaped like the horns of a bull. The creatures hoofed feet cracked the floor and the pitch black eyes gazed at Happosai. The demon bellowed in a deep voice from the pits of despair, "I am the bringer of sorrow and PAIN! Who dares summon me?"

Happosai was beside himself in glee. "It is I who brought you this plane of existence!"

The demon stared at Happosai. It saw the pentagram and thought what sort of fool this man must have been. The demon was far more powerful than the protection of a pentagram could offer. At any moment, the demon could rip the old man into small pieces. It sensed the aura of the lecher and found that his soul was dark and evil. The demon wanted to see what did the old man have in mind. "What boon do you offer me?"

"I'm the one making the demands here!" Happosai took a step forward but quickly hopped back to the center of the pentagram.

The demon gave a toothy grin. It made a small bow. "What is your demand?" The creature of evil thought about boiling Happosai in oil before devouring his soul.

"I want someone to learn the lesson of humility! I want him to suffer!" Happosai got a dark look in his eyes. He wanted to get even.

The demon perked up with the mention of the word 'suffer'. "Who is the one who will walk the path of pain?"

"His name is Ranma Saotome." Happosai pulled out a photo of the pig-tailed martial artist. "This is he."

"Do you have something of his? I need his aura." The dark creature asked.

Happosai smiled. He only had one thing. It was a sacrifice, but it would be worth it. He pulled out a bra that Ranma owned. He stole it from 'her' a few days ago.

The demon took the bra and studied it. He looked at the photo and concentrated. "Oh, Jusenkyo. I see." The creature gazed at Happosai and read his soul's darkest desires and needs. It felt the aura from the bra and found what would cause Ranma the most pain and suffering. It then gazed at Happosai again. It knew what to do. "I will do as you ask."

Happosai was overjoyed. He wanted to celebrate his upcoming victory. His victory dance was cut short as the demon's huge hand with giant sharp fingernails clamped onto his head.

The foul creature made its wants known. "Now, on the subject of price." The demon applied pressure to Happosai's head to make a point. It had just enough force to cause pain, but not enough to pop his head like a melon. "This is what it will cost you."

Happosai couldn't believe what the demon demanded. He screamed, "NOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THAT!!!!"

The demon laughed. "Yes, that."


Ami heard a beep from her Sailor computer. She opened it up and found a youma alert on it. She typed a few commands to find the location of the youma but after a few minutes it disappeared. She scanned the area to the north where the evil was coming from and found no trace of it. She got on her communicator and send a text message to Usagi about what just happened. She will bring it up at lunch. Ami was concerned that the negaverse might be coming back.


Sailor Sun was disappointed. She was concentrating her teleportation magic on Death Valley California. She used to take Sailor Io with her to train martial arts techniques as Senshi but the training grounds in the desert had been overrun with military sharpshooters. They had been camped out there for weeks. She knew that they were waiting for her and Io to show up so that they could capture them.

Sailor Io was sitting on the couch. "So, we're not going eh?" She pulled out some travel brochures that she got at the travel agency and started leafing through them. "How about the Mongolian Desert? Or how about the Australian Outback? We really don't have to go to California."

Sun broke her concentration. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I really liked it there. The terrain was perfect." She picked up a brochure and turned to the map. She concentrated and saw an image of a barren mountainside. "Hmm, this looks good for training." She held her arms out and Io hopped in front of Sun and held on. "Sun Beam Transport!"

The two Senshi appeared on a barren landscape. The ground was very uneven and it was solid black rock. A reddish glow can be seen coming from cracks in the earth. There was a low rumbling sound. Io noticed a familiar odor. She looked at her gloved hands and smelled them. "I don't remember casting Lava Blast recently."

Sun turned around and saw where the smell was coming from. They were standing on Mt. Kilauea, an active volcano in Hawaii. Lava was bubbling from the crater just behind them. Sun gasped, "Whoops!"

Io turned and saw what Sun saw. She glared at her husband. "You screwed up the teleport again? Didn't you?"

Sun made a sheepish grin and gently held her wife. "Uh... Sun Beam Transport?" They flashed back home.

The two returned back in the living room of their apartment. Io pushed Sun onto the couch. She picked up the brochure from the table and read it out loud for Sun. "See the wonders of Hawaii!" She saw the pictures of beautiful plants and animals on the cover. She opened the brochure and read aloud, "Take a scenic helicopter flight over active volcanoes." She turned her eyes away from the paper and looked Sun in the eye. "It was a map of the volcano you JERK!"

She crumpled up the map and threw it at Sailor Sun. She transformed back to Akane. "I'll see you on the roof." She hopped out to the balcony and ki jumped up and out of sight. Ranko followed and jumped to the roof.

Akane was sitting in a lotus position in meditation. She was not doing a kata or in a fighting stance. Ranko was puzzled for a moment and then turned to the edge of the roof. She posed for the picture. She posed again. She held out her fingers in a 'V' sign. She could see in the distance a man with a telephoto lens on a camera aimed in their direction. She couldn't tell who this guy was. She could sense him but she had never met this person before.

Ranko went over to Akane and sat next to her. She sat and meditated as well. "So Akane, how long has that guy been there?"

Akane keeping up appearances whispered back, "He just got there. I saw him just set up his camera when I got to the balcony. Do you know him?"

"Nope. Never saw him before in my life."

"Could he be someone Kuno or Nabiki hired to spy on us?"

Ranko contemplated it, "It's not Nabiki's style. She would just barge in. Besides, she has enough photos of us stashed away and she is really good with Photoshop. Kuno on the other hand." Ranko stared at the man while pretending to perform yoga, "I doubt it was Kuno. He would send Sasuke or another ninja."

"Wanna just go and ask him?" Akane smiled.

"Not yet. But we'd better keep our guard up." Ranko relaxed. "You know, I kinda like yoga. We got about thirty minutes to kill."

Akane pulled out a towel she used to wipe away her sweat and tossed it to Ranko. Ranko turned to notice that Akane had laid out a towel and was sitting on it instead of dirtying her clothes on the tar-covered roof. Ranko finally noticed her pants had tar stains on the seat. "Great..." She laid the towel on the roof and sat down again.

Akane smirked, "If we are going to do yoga, we should be dressed for it."

Ranko sighed, "Leotards?"

"Why not?"

Ranko smirked, "They make me look fat."

"Makes better pictures though." Akane giggled.

For the next thirty minutes, both girls controlled their breathing and relaxed. Occasionally looking at their fan to see when he would turn his camera away. He stayed put. The two girls ended their session and climbed down via the fire escape back to the apartment.


The Saotomes walked hand in hand to high school. They took careful notice of their surroundings, much more than they usually did. Neither noticed anything unusual. Breathing a collective sigh of relief, they entered the front gates and on to class.

They didn't notice the small dark figure hiding in the bushes. It wasn't really interested in them. Yet.


The pervert squad arrived at school. Yoshi looked at Akira in amazement, "You got grounded for a month!"

"What did you expect? My dad was there when they cut us down!" Akira still was shivering from the yelling he got for the embarrassing position he was in the night before.

"Oh yeah. I forgot." Yoshi remembered how he was busy using his shirt to wipe away all the makeup only to find when he got home that his nails were a bright red in color. He was able to hide this fact from his parents and spent a good part of the night sanding off the nail polish. He didn't know about the wonders of acetone.

Kato was not lucky either. "Well, I got home and my dad already got a call from his friend who saw the whole thing. I had to do some fast-talking to keep him from taking me to the ocean and demanding that I have the waves claim me. Grrr!"

"Oh, boys!" A gentle voice came from nowhere and yet from everywhere. The three looked around and saw nothing.

Yoshi was still looking for the source of the sound, "Did you hear that?"

"Yeah, what was that?" Kato looked at the school entrance and saw nothing.

The voice was soft like the morning breeze. It was a male voice and it was calm, reassuring, and spoke in a manner that gave a feeling of trust. "Boys! Do you want to get revenge on Ranma?"

The boys looked at each other and slowly nodded to no one in particular.

"Then come here after school. Meet me at the front entrance of the school. Tell no one. I will show you how to make Ranma pay."

Yoshi shrugged, "Ok, whoever you are." The others agreed. They were also pretty weirded out.


"A youma!" The scouts had to keep their voices down or the whole school would know that the defenders of love and justice ate their lunch at Juuban High School.

Ami showed the area on her little computer. "It was in the Nerima area. I was about to get its location when it disappeared."

Makoto was not amused, "How could a youma disappear? Was there a portal?"

Ami mused, "That is the strange thing. There was no portal. I would have detected it first, and there was no portal appearing before the thing disappeared."

Ranma gave a suggestion, "You said it was in Nerima?"


"There's your answer. Shampoo and Mousse could have easily dusted it. Heck, Ukyou would have sliced it in half with her spatula and Cologne would have scared it to death."

Akane rolled her eyes.

Minako turned to Ami, "Could someone have killed it?"

Ami gave out a small sigh, "That is possible. If people in Nerima are anything like you two," she glanced at Ranma and Akane, "then maybe it was killed."

Ranma laid back on the grass, "Maybe Nabiki froze it to death with her ice queen stare."

Akane threw her empty juice box at Ranma's head.

Usagi leaned over to Akane, "Your sister has Senshi powers too?"

All the other girls gave a collective groan with Akane leading them. Akane faced Usagi, "No, my sister doesn't have magic powers." Akane turned to Ranma, "That's how rumors get started."

Ranma stretched out, "And your sister is the one who will sell it to the highest bidder."


The coach was wondering how did the two newest team members learn to play volleyball like they did. Akane was a natural and she already played on the team at Furinkan. She was a great team player. Her 'cousin' however was a loose cannon and needed to be constantly reminded that there are other girls on the team and she didn't need to grab the ball every time it went over the net. He pulled Minako aside, "Minako, Ranko has great skill and talent but if she can't play as a team member, she can't play."

Minako sadly agreed. She couldn't tell the coach that as a Senshi, Ranko did show great teamwork. Ranko also did do things her own way. The coach blew the whistle to stop the current session.

Ranko hopped over to Minako, leaving behind several bored team members who never got a chance to get the ball. "I was great wasn't I?"

Minako took Ranko's hand and gently pulled her aside. "Look Ranko, you need to stop showing off and hogging the ball. You are on a volleyball team. Please note the word 'team'. This isn't a one on one match."

"But they aren't as fast as I am." Ranko crossed her arms and gave a look of superiority that only Ranko could give.

Minako gave Ranko the lecture. "So? They each have an area of the court they need to protect. You need to stay in your area and stop running around like a greased pig on a skillet. You need to trust your teammates."

"But I'm better!"

"You have five other team members who would like to get better as well. They can't because you won't let them get the ball."

Ranko turned to look back at the other girls, "But they're just girls..."

Minako put her hand over Ranko's mouth to shut her up. "Make comments like that again and I'll throw you out. Do you want to be off the team? Say the word." Minako was not kidding.

"Mmmphh..." Ranko mumbled.

Minako removed her hand from Ranko's mouth. "Repeat that."

Ranko took a small breath. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry. Old habits die hard." Ranko looked to the sky and silently thought about her failed childhood, "Thanks dad, you really gave me great lessons in life. Damn you!" Ranko turned and saw Akane tossing the ball over the net to the other girls. She was having a good time.

Minako slowly shook her head. "You are really good, you know that Ranko." Ranko perked up. Minako continued, "But your teamwork sucks, we'll work on that first and foremost. Another thing, you have to tone down your abilities. Don't use your ki at all."

"Why not?"

Minako was shocked, "What do you mean why not? What would people say if I came to practice as Sailor Venus? I could play five times better that way but it wouldn't be fair and it would attract the wrong kind of attention. Do you want people to start watching you? If you or Akane start knocking more volleyballs through the walls like yesterday, people will ask questions I'm sure you don't want to answer."

Ranko gulped. She was so focused on making a good impression that she totally forgot that she needed to be discreet. "Oh oh..." She gave a grin. "Sorry."

"It's you and Akane who'll be sorry if you don't chill out." Minako glanced at Akane. "Now Akane is keeping her talents in check. I know you can do it too. Make me proud." Minako pointed to the court.

Ranko got up and joined her teammates. Minako stood at the sidelines and had a happy thought. She was going to be teaching Ranko since Minako was more experienced than her. Once she breaks this wild horse, Ranko could be the best player Juuban had ever had.

Minako froze. That would mean that she wasn't the best. She pondered that for a moment and pushed the thought aside. Minako did what was best for the team. That was what made her such a great player. She needed to drill this concept into Ranko's head.


Kato was bored, "This sucks".

Yoshi looked up from his manga, "You heard his voice. He said to wait for him here after school."

Akira was getting worried, "I can only stay for a few more minutes. If I don't get home soon, my dad will come here and... Well... I'll be home schooled so he can make sure I never leave the house until I'm thirty."

Kato got up, "Well, school's been out for almost an hour. Let's go." He took a few steps when the voice came back.

The voice softly spoke, "Leaving so soon? And I thought you wanted to have some revenge."

Kato turned around and commanded, "Show yourself."

A small figure hopped out of a bush. It was Happosai. His voice was completely different from his usual gruff old man voice. It was a gentle soothing sound. "I'm here. Our mutual adversary needs to learn to respect us. I've already started the preparations here. But I need something that I need you to obtain for me."

Akira got on one knee to try to get face to face with Happosai. He was still much taller than the little old fossil. "What do you want?"

Happosai smiled a toothy grin. The three guys noticed that the teeth were needle thin and were not the teeth of a human. "I need to get some special water. I need you to get it for me."

Kato stepped closer, "Where do we get this water? We are not going to the sewer are we?"

"No, you are going somewhere more dangerous."

The three raised their eyebrows.

Happosai continued, "Well? Revenge? Yes or no?"

The three went into a huddle. Akira started, "He only wants us to get water. How bad could that be?"

Kato shot a look at the old freak, "He creeps me out."

Yoshi was thinking about the night before, "If Saotome suffers, I'm in."

The three agreed. They turned to the old man. Together they answered, "Yes."

The old man smiled. "Be here this Sunday at sunrise. I'll take you to where you can get me my special water." The old man peered behind Kato as if something got his attention. The three guys turned to look. They saw nothing. They looked back at the old man and he wasn't there.

Kato gasped, "I still say he creeps me out."

Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and keeps me from making that bump in the night sound you hear at midnight.

Last edited on November 18, 2002

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