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Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision: Chapter 6, Kick The Can.
Rebecca Ann Heineman

Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Duncan Zillman and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me upload chapters to without checking them.

Ryoga was wandering the landscape of Japan. Nothing was out of the ordinary in this journey. He was lost, again.

He was going nowhere in particular. He thought of Akane. He thought of Akari. He thought how pathetic his existence had been so far. Beating up Ranma would cheer him up. He only wanted to go home.

Ryoga felt raindrops falling from the sky and pulled open his umbrella. He continued to walk and the rain got heavier. He knew that was going to pork out if he didn't find shelter soon. He saw a farmhouse ahead and approached it. The sign on the door read 'Unryuu'.

He looked at the farmhouse and thought that it looked familiar. He went to the door and knocked.

An old man opened the door, "Could I help you, young man?"

He looked at the family name on the door again, he asked, "Do you know a girl named Akari?"

"Akari you say? She's my granddaughter. What business you have with her?"

"I... I... Uh..." Ryoga was at a loss of words. What were the odds that this was her home? "May I see her?"


"She's my friend."

The old man suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs, "AKARI! Someone's here to see you!" Ryoga was startled and he fell backwards into the rain.

Akari came to the front door. "Who is it grandpa? Oh, Ryoga!" Akari got out of the house and picked up the little black pig that was sitting in a puddle. "You're so wet, here let me get you some warm water and dry you off." She went back inside to the amazement of her grandfather.

"You're kidding me! It's TRUE?" Grandpa glanced back to the porch and saw Ryoga's backpack, umbrella and clothes soaking up the rain.

"Well I'll be." He went outside, gathered Ryoga's things and went back in the house. "AKARI! You've got to tell me this is a joke." He placed Ryoga's things near the front door and followed his granddaughter into the bathroom.

Sure enough, there was a man wearing only a bandanna sitting in the tub. He had a look of complete embarrassment on his red face. A bucket of warm water from the sink was used to perform the transformation. Akari gave Ryoga a towel and he covered himself up.

"Uh, Akari, shouldn't you wait until you are married?"

"M... M... Married!?" Ryoga fainted.

Setsuna called a meeting of the Senshi that night at Rei's shrine. The others were worried since Setsuna only called meetings when the world was going to end. Everyone got there that evening except for Usagi. She was late as usual.

Ranma was sitting in a corner holding his knees to his chest. He was still deathly afraid of cats. Minako had brought Artemis and Usagi was expected to bring Luna. Ranma begged, "Does THAT have to be here?"

Setsuna answered, "They have to know what's going on. They are as much a part of the team as you are. They might have some insight as to what I'm about to discuss."

"Ranma, you really need to work on your fear of me. I'm not going to bite you," Artemis purred. He then licked himself.

"YAAAA!" Ranma hid his head under his knees. He started shaking some more as his feline proximity detector sensed the other guest arriving.

"Sorry I'm late! Hope I didn't keep you all waiting!" Usagi entered with Luna running alongside.

"Didn't you know? The meeting ended fifteen minutes ago." Rei sarcastically replied.

Ranma whimpered. Akane sat next to him to try to calm him down. Ranma was not panicked enough to Neko-ken, but it made Akane a little uneasy anyways.

Setsuna stood up, "This isn't a time for jokes. Usagi, we've been waiting for you and now we are all here, we can now begin." Setsuna took a deep breath. All the other Senshi except for the two new ones bugged their eyes out. When Setsuna took a deep breath before speaking, it meant the world really was going to end.

"I've lost my power to enter the Gates of Time." Setsuna simply announced. "Therefore, I cannot tell the future nor can I alter the timeline in any way."

"That's it? I thought the world was going to end." Minako sighed with relief.

"What happened?" Haruka asked. Michiru continued, "Is it one of our old enemies?"

"I.. I don't know," Setsuna reluctantly replied. Now all the Senshi were truly freaked out. I don't know was a statement that was not in Setsuna's vocabulary. "It felt like something I felt almost twenty years ago. But back then I looked into that event and found that the time distortion was nothing to worry about."

"This was before any of the Senshi reawakened, wasn't it?" Haruka asked.

"Yes, I was the only Senshi at that time, but the time distortion came and went. So I didn't bother to do anything about it. I only remember it since it was a different feeling that I get when the Black Moon Clan altered the timeline. Now, the main reason I called you here was to simply let you know about my lack of powers. I am hoping that this is a temporary loss of power. I don't want to take chances."

Luna sat down next to Setsuna, "How are your other powers affected? Can you still transform?"

"Yes, I can still transform and my powers seem to be intact. I've checked with the observatory and Pluto seems to be where it should be. I was worried that something had happened to it."

Luna turned to Rei, "Can you do a fire reading? Maybe a glimpse into the future can shed some light on Setsuna's problem."

"I'll do that," Rei looked at Setsuna. It was nice for Rei to be called on to look into the future instead of Setsuna.

"That's why I called the meeting here." Setsuna smiled her all knowing smile.

"There's more to this, isn't there?" Haruka glared at Setsuna. Setsuna never told everything. She always held something back. It's just the way she was.

"Let's see what Rei sees," Setsuna cryptically answered.

"Cats... Cats..." whimpered Ranma.

Moments later, the Senshi were in the fire reading chamber, Rei was dressed in her priestess robes and had the fire stoked and ready. She began the chants and prayers and gazed deep into the fire. She concentrated on Setsuna and her future. A vision began to form. She saw people running in the streets, fire, and war. Something really bad was coming. She looked into the fire for a hint as to what demon was bringing this to the world. She only saw people dying. Rioting. Starvation. War. Panic. Chaos.

Rei was confused. She felt no evil. Only the deaths of millions of people were all she saw. That was enough to terrify her. This was not the work of the Dark Kingdom or any enemy they had faced before. In previous readings, where the Dark Kingdom was involved, visions had overwhelming evil. She felt absolutely nothing. What caused this masked its evil presence from Rei.

"I see death and destruction in the future. I can't see who's doing it." Rei told the crowd.

"Can you see Setsuna?" Makoto asked looking at Setsuna's anxious face.

"No. I can't see any of us. In fact, there are so many people who will be affected that they're overwhelming me. It's total chaos." Rei sat on her knees frustrated at her lack of focus.

"Can you see black shadows Rei?" Hotaru suggested. Michiru was surprised; Hotaru almost never made suggestions at Senshi meetings and the question was out of place.

"Shadows? Hmm. Let me focus on that," Rei gazed into the fire focusing on shadows or dark figures. After a few minutes, she came up blank.

"Why did you want to know about shadows Hotaru-chan?" Michiru asked her adopted daughter.

"They were..." Hotaru stopped; she closed her eyes and didn't want to think about it anymore.

"They were what?" Haruka was now interested in this.

"I dreamed about them." Hotaru showed a little bit of fear and trembled.

The other Senshi saw the change in Hotaru's demeanor. She was starting to shake in fear more than Ranma was shaking from the presence of the cats.

She opened her eyes and looked at her parents. "They killed you mama... And you papa... Those eyes. Those red eyes..." Hotaru shed tears and began to visibly shake. Her parents were noticeably concerned about this vision and how it was affecting their daughter.

"Everything is fine Hotaru-chan. We are right here." Michiru assured her daughter. "It was just a dream."

Hotaru just hugged her mother. Michiru looked at Rei. Rei looked at the fire and concentrated now on Michiru and Haruka. She stared and stared into the fire. She saw a bright flash, like a camera flashbulb going off. She felt a cold chill. And then she felt nothing.

"I saw a flash and then that was it." Rei was disappointed with herself. She wanted to glean some useful information that the Senshi could use. "I've seen the future. I'm terrified. It's chaos."

Luna came to Rei and set down next to her. She glanced at Setsuna who was standing against the wall looking at empty space. "Rei, let's try again tomorrow." Luna faced the group. "We must all be on our guard. If anyone senses anything," Luna directed herself to Michiru and Hotaru, "or any abnormal dreams. Alert me or Artemis at once."

"Why d-d-does it h-h-ave to be y-you?" squeaked Ranma.

Akane interrupted, "I'll report anything from Ranma."

About half an hour of idle chat continued from the Senshi. Nothing was accomplished and Setsuna simply didn't talk anymore. They all agreed that Luna, Artemis and Rei would meet at the shrine tomorrow and focus on fire reading. Ranma was happy that he didn't have to come.

Ranma and Akane were walking away from of the shrine when Akane sensed a familiar presence. With a quick motion, she reached into a bush and produced a small old geezer.

"And what the hell are YOU doing here?!" Akane shouted to Happosai.

"Nothing," Happosai sheepishly uttered, wishing he had been better hidden.

They looked at the old man and wondered if he heard anything that could compromise their secret identities.

"Nothing! Yeah right! Why are you so far away from home?!" Ranma ordered.

"I'm just passing though."

Ranma took Happosai from Akane. "Stole all the underwear in Nerima eh?"

"Ok, ok. I wanted to see the women's martial arts class you were teaching! Is it too much to ask for you to have your master present when you teach?"

"Where did you get such a stupid idea like that from?! What happened? Did you replace your brain with underwear?!"

"But you had so many ladies over at the dojo. You must share Ranma!" Happosai gave the big googly eyes.

"Oh, you've really flipped you old freak!" Ranma was relieved, if he thought he was Sailor Sun, he would already be demanding him to transform right then and there.

"You got me all wrong Ranma! I just wanted to see the pretty ladies you hang out with."

"Oh, is that so?" Ranma whispered in Akane's ear and she dropped out of sight. Ranma looked around and found a faucet. He walked over and gave himself a splash. Happosai was overjoyed, "Oh, Ranma! You make your master happy!"

"You want pretty ladies! FINE!" Ranko dropped Happosai on the ground. He bounced like a beach ball and landed on Ranko's chest. Ranko let out a terrible scream. "I'm being attacked by a youma! HELP!"

"Very funny Ranma. Like anyone cared about a youma around here. There are no martial artists for kilometers."

Ranko screamed again and as if on cue. Sailor Io appeared.

Happosai's eyes turned into hearts at the sight of Sailor Io. "Pretty lady!"

Ranko pointed to Happosai. "It's a youma! He's trying to drain my energy!"

Happosai jumped at Sailor Io and plunged towards her chest. "Pretty lady!"

Sailor Io was pissed. She simply kicked Happosai right into the wall surrounding the temple.

Ranko ran away. "HELP!!"

Sailor Io walked over to Happosai and made a pose. "I am Sailor Io! Touching girls when they don't want to be touched is an evil thing! In the name of Jupiter's moon Io. I'm going to punish you!"

Happosai didn't know if he was in heaven or hell. So he did the only thing he could. He leapt at Io with his arms stretched out, "I want to touch a pretty lady!"

Io punched him back into the wall. Happosai jumped again. Io punched him back. He jumped again. She punched again.

A voice from behind called out, "I am Sailor Sun! You're being very naughty and your heart is evil. In the name of our life giving Sun. I will punish you!" Sailor Sun stood there in a pose in all her glory. That felt so wrong!

Happosai was overjoyed! Two pretty ladies! He leapt at Sun who promptly kicked him into the air.

As Io and Sun were playing hacky-sack with Happosai, nine other Senshi appeared to assist in dealing with the youma they thought was attacking.

Happosai's lust went into overdrive. He jumped at Sailor Moon who ducked and he flew over her right into Sailor Mars. Mars slapped him over to Jupiter who smashed him into the ground. Happosai had an excellent view from his location at Jupiter's dress that his eyes expanded to the size of dinner plates. He drooled, "What a view!"

Jupiter blushed and kicked him over to Uranus who was ready for him. She gave a huge punch that flattened Happosai like a pancake onto the temple wall. He slid down to the ground and inflated back to normal instantly. He saw Neptune, "Is your green hair natural? Let's find out!" Uranus jumped in the way to defend her and gave Happosai another punch. He flew into a light pole and wrapped around it like a bent pipe.

Moon, Venus and Saturn tried to sneak away, but Happosai saw them and flew to them. "You're invited to play too!" Happosai gleefully called to them. Venus screamed. She'd rather be fighting Queen Beryl than this horrid creature. Saturn pulled out her Silence Glaive wondering if she should use it to dispatch this demon back to hell. Sun and Io quickly stood in the way and defended the three from Happosai's attack.

All the pummeling did was give more energy to Happosai. He started to pick girls at random and leapt from girl to girl. Each one delivered a blow that would be fatal to most humans.

That didn't slow down Happosai. With repeated screams of "Pretty Lady!" and "Let me see under your skirt!" The Senshi bounced him around like a volleyball.

Sun got fed up with how Happosai just wouldn't stay down, she cried, "Take this you old freak! Searing Plasma Blast!" Happosai countered with "Happo Daikarin!" The plasma destroyed the firecracker. Happosai went flying into the air streaming smoke and flame.

Jupiter still fuming that he looked under her dress cried, "Supreme Thunder!" And she zapped the freak even higher into the sky.

Moments later, Happosai finally hit the ground. The Senshi approached his body. Moon said, "I think you went too far."

Jupiter added, "I don't think we went far enough."

Sun stood ahead of the group. "He's not human. Watch."

Sun ran off and came back a moment later with a bra she got from Mars' clothesline. "Hey! Give that back!" Sailor Mars was angry.

"Look at this." Sun tossed the bra near the body of Happosai.

The body started the move and then it pounced on the bra. He sat there and fondled it. "Oh, happy day! I got to touch lots of pretty ladies. My life is complete. I can die now."

Pluto said with all seriousness, "Be careful what you wish for."

Uranus had heard enough. "World Shaking!"

Happosai's eyes darkened. "Pretty lady looks like a man!" He then was propelled at supersonic speed into the sky.

Sun went over to the smoking crater where Happosai once was and retrieved Mars' bra. "Sorry, but after a washing and a sterilization, it'll be good as new."

Sailor Mars snatched her bra back, "Don't you EVER take my stuff again you pervert!"

"Who are you calling a pervert!" Sun retorted.

Sailor Io just sighed.

"What was that thing?!" Luna asked the crowd.

Io said, "It was my dad's martial arts master."

The others looked at Io as if she confessed that she was Queen Beryl.

"Don't ask." Io continued. "Uh, where is Sun?"

Luna pointed her paw at the Sailor Sun shaped hole in Sailor Mars' temple wall. "I think she went that way after I came out. Sorry."

Hours later in a garbage heap, Happosai emerged from the refuse. "Pretty ladies... Ranma is so lucky to have pretty ladies. They even sound like him." Happosai thought about his physical condition. It will take weeks if not months to heal. It was worth it. The short skirts. The tight clothes they wore. Happosai wanted to do this again sometime. He passed out.

Konatsu came by and looked at the remains. He just came back from the shrine and wanted to follow up on Happosai's condition. Happosai was going to live. That was too bad.

Konatsu then leapt out into the night. He had news for his mistress.

Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and keeps me from making that bump in the night sound you hear at midnight.

Last edited on October 5, 2002

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