Becky's Burger Emporium Fiction, Programming and Mayhem

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Happosai's life of DOOM: Chapter 6, Divine Interest.
Rebecca Ann Heineman

Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Oh! My Goddess characters were created by Fujishima Kosuke. Other characters appearing in this chapter are owned by their respective property holders.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or put me though the rinse cycle.

Urd reached over and plucked a tissue out of the dispenser and gently held the soft paper under her eyes. A tear welled up and slowly moved from her lower eyelid and toward her nose. She sniffed and wiped away the tear as she leaned forward in sorrow. "Why? Why did that have to happen?" She asked to a room that was devoid of human or divine life. Banpei, the household robot, sat nearby, holding the box of tissues and blinked the lights in his eyes in response.

The goddess crumpled up the soft moist paper into a ball and crushed it in her fist. "The scoundrel! How could he!" She stood up and threw it across the room at the image of a very handsome man on her television set. "You cad! She loves you!"

Banpei flashed his red eyes and reached over to pick up the used tissue. The robot was just over a meter tall, white and wore a very wide brimmed black hat that looked like it was a cross between a trashcan lid and a Chinese straw hat. He wheeled over to a wastebasket and tossed away the garbage, then he scurried back to his place next to Urd. From where he was located, she could easily reach the box of tissues he held. He was always present to lend a hand whenever Urd watched her soap opera.

"NOOO!!!" Cried Urd as the ending credits scrolled up on the screen, her eyes sparked angrily and she pointed her finger at the TV. A lightning bolt shot out, shorting out the television set and sending a puff of black smoke to fill the room with a foul stench of burning plastic. Coughing, the goddess floated out of her bedroom and into the hall.

"Don't expect me to fix that." Skuld, Urd's baby sister and resident tinkerer, said as she peeked out of her workshop down the hall. "And I'm not lending you mine so you'd better fix it yourself."

The little robot followed Urd out into the hall which attracted the attention of his creator. "Hey, Banpei! Get in here!"

Banpei put the box of tissues on a low table and raced into Skuld's workshop. The little goddess happily produced some high tech looking objects and smiled. "I've got some upgrades for you."

He stopped and backed away from his master. Skuld crossed her arms in dismay. "Don't you go anywhere. I need you here, c'mon I haven't got all day."

The robot slowly inched forward, wondering if the installation of these upgrades would hurt, explode or increase his chances for a date with Sigil, Skuld's female robot. Judging the odds of total meltdown were in low millions, he moved cautiously forward for whatever Skuld had in mind for him.

Urd had to think of something. Her next soap opera was coming on in thirty minutes and she couldn't watch it with a fried TV. She picked up the remote and pressed the 'on' button. As expected, nothing happened except that the smoke cleared a little. She randomly pressed buttons until another spark came from the TV startling the Goddess of the Past. She tossed the remote to the side and sat down in thought. How can I bum off a TV from Skuld? As she sat there, an odd feeling came over her. A very uncomfortable feeling, one she hadn't felt for a long time and had hoped to never feel again. She focused to find the source and came up empty. The feeling vanished, yet its effects were unforgettable, regrettably "No..." She whispered. "He can't be in Midgard, can he?"

She stretched her arms out and flew out of the room, down the hall and landed at the doorway of the kitchen. She peeked inside and found her sister Belldandy, the Norn Goddess of the Present, wearing a brown floor length housewife's dress and apron. She was putting the last of the dishes away into the cupboard. "Hey, Bell, did you feel that?"

Belldandy turned to her sister with a great big smile. "Of course I did. It's a wonderful night and the moon is happy."

That wasn't what Urd was expecting for an answer. "Uh... Okay. If you say so sis. But seriously, did you feel anything weird right now?"

"No, I hadn't felt this way since Hild came to visit." She hummed a happy tune as she wiped the countertop.

"Are you sure?" Urd was taken slightly aback. Whenever Hild came to visit, bad things and mischief always followed, so Belldandy saying anything nice about those visits was a bit pecular. Then again, Belldandy had a knack for finding good in everything, even impending doom and destruction.

"Oh, my." Bell pulled up her apron to examine a small stain. "I'll have to cheer it up."

Urd backed away from the kitchen, wondering if her sister's happy condition bordered on a mental disorder. She paced down the hallway back toward her room when her baby sister popped out of nowhere and ran into Urd.

"Hey, watch where you're going, big sister." Skuld had a frightened look on her face as she got back up from her place on the floor. "Did you feel that too?" She asked with worry and a little fear.

"You felt it? What did you feel?" Urd asked in a scared tone.

"I... I... I really don't want to talk about that." The small goddess shivered. "It felt wrong, really wrong."

Oh, no, not her too. Urd did her best to hide her concern. If he's on Midgard then it could only mean that Hild had already gotten to him and... And... And... And... Urd's brain rebooted after being stuck for a moment. If that mortal had gained the powers she thought he did, then Skuld was going to need protection. Urd ventured a probing question, hoping against all hope that she was wrong in her assumption about what happened in Niflhiem. "Like someone touched you?"

Skuld didn't answer, but the shocked look in her eyes did that for her.

"You felt like someone touched you, where you didn't want to be touched?"

"How did you know?" She was aghast. Skuld stepped back, eyes on the verge of tears. "It was horrible."

Urd nodded knowingly. "It was evil. Pure evil."

"I've felt evil before." Skuld shook her head, not comprehending what recently happened. " But nothing like this." She gave herself a hug. "It's like I was... Was..."

"You're safe." Urd kneeled down a little to match her smaller sister's height.

"Was... Was... Was like someone was looking at me. In a bad way."

It's him. There was no doubt anymore. Urd nodded and cursed herself for being right. "We gotta talk to Bell."

"I don't like this."

"Me neither." Urd stepped toward the kitchen, leaving a confused and terrified Skuld behind. She stopped and put out a reassuring hand. "It's going to be okay."

She looked up and deep into Urd's eyes, searching for comfort in her big sister. "You sure, promise?"

Urd knew full well that was a promise she couldn't keep. "Let's talk to Bell. Maybe she knows something."

Skuld frowned at Urd's avoidance to her question. But Bell might know, she was the one everyone turned to for advice and this time was no different. The two goddesses went back to the kitchen and as soon they entered the doorway, they froze. There, in front of them was their sister, dressed in a skin tight red leotard with yellow trim and thigh high vinyl boots. Her outfit had vinyl strips trailing like a set of tails and some adorned her shoulders. It was the uniform she wore when she was possessed by a familiar courtesy of a manifestation of Hild. The two goddesses stared at their sister, then for a moment, at each other. Skuld shrugged and Urd commented. "Things are really wrong now."

Belldandy placed a small kitchen cleaning towel next to the stovetop and smiled at her kitchen guests."Hello there, how are you two this evening?" She went to the a drawer and extracted another towel. This one, she wetted in the sink and began to clean the breakfast table all the while humming a happy tune.

Both Urd and Skuld stared at their sister for a minute. After watching Belldandy clean the table spotless, Urd spoke, "Uh, Bell?"

Belldandy placed her hands together and smiled back. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?" She asked timidly. If Belldandy was possessed by a demonic force, they were going to need to call in for backup. Taking a step backward, she pulled her sister out of the doorway and pushed her against the wall. She whispered to her baby sister, urgency evident on her face, "Call Peorth, Rind, Chrono, Ere, anyone, just get them here."

"Why? If this is a system bug, I can take care of it myself. I'm a Yggdrasil debugger you know." For effect, she held her debugging hammer and gave it a playful practice swing. "If a bug's here, It's mine."

"Put that away." Urd commanded. "This is not a system bug. This is far, far worse. And I have no idea what's going to happen. So, get on the phone and call 'em."

Skuld nodded and pulled out a celestial cell phone. She was dialing the number to heaven when Urd kicked her sister down the hall. "Can you try to do that without her seeing you?"

"Seeing what?" She came out the kitchen and stepped closer to her sister. As she walked, her hips swayed in a fashion that would make supermodels green with envy. "Are you inviting guests over?" She placed a finger to her chin in thought. "Should I plan to make a late dinner? When will they arrive?"

"Are you sure you're okay? You're not acting like yourself." Urd was worried. Belldandy was acting the same as she always did except for the way she carried her body and her attire. "You seem, different."

"Different?" Belldandy batted her eyes in a seductive manner. "How so?"

"Hmm..." Thought the goddess of love. Despite her mannerisms and attire, she's acting exactly like she usually does. Urd couldn't sense a trace of evil coming from Belldandy and nothing else around the house seemed out of place. Maybe this can work to my advantage? If she's like this and Keiichi doesn't wimp out, perhaps my sister will finally get over it and sleep with him. Urd closed her eyes and scratched the back of her head and gave a small laugh. "Nah, nothing's wrong. I'm going back to my room and get some beauty sleep."

"Oh, that's nice. Good night, sister." Belldandy's heels clicked as she strutted down the hall to the laundry room.

"I've got to find out whatever did that to her. I could sure use that potion on some stuffy mortals on my love list." Urd remember there was this specific match up that's been giving her trouble for the last year and something like this may be just what the Doctor ordered to get them to admit their feelings for each other. At the least, it would make their lives a bit more interesting until it wore off. She spent a moment chuckling at different scenarios a love potion of this type could create when she froze as she realized that the house was going to be invaded by goddesses any moment now. That won't do! It will ruin this chance for Keiichi and Belldandy to finally be a married couple. She flew into the air and straight into Skuld's room. Whizzing by her sister, she snatched the phone right out of her hand and put the handset up to her face.

Skuld's face turned red with anger. "Hey, that's mine!"

Waving her sister off, Urd stammered out some hastily prepared excuses. "Yeah, Peorth, it's me. What do you mean, who are you? It's me, Urd. This was all a big misinderstanding so you don't need to come on down."

Skuld grew wide eyed and shook her head vigorously.

Ignoring her sister, she continued. "Don't worry, everything's under control. Yeah, it's no... Level one? Really?"

Skuld growled at her older sister. "I was going to tell you, but you took my phone." She pulled down her lower eyelid with her finger and stuck out her tongue.

The white haired goddess' forehead developed a bead of sweat in panic. "When? How? Who? What? Why? You're not serious are you?" Her face went ashen. "No, not..." She made an angry look. "Don't you blame this on me! I had a deal with Mr. Bone Daddy and he broke it." She slammed the phone shut and crushed it in her hand. "Why that lying little..."

The little goddess hated being kept out of the loop. She wore a scowl on her face to show her displeasure at the situation. "What's really going on and who's Happosai?"

Urd trembled at the sound of that unholy word. "Don't say that name again. If you say it three times, he might show up and trust me, you don't want to meet him."

Skuld's eyebrow raised in surprise. "Who or what is he? Was he the one who changed Belldandy?" She pulled out her mallet again. "If he hurt my sister..."

"Oh, I hope not. Because that would mean..." Instantly, Urd flew out the window and the sounds of hammering, sawing, drilling and heavy machinery being driven was heard. A minute later, Urd flew back in. "There, we're safe now."

"Safe from what? What did you do?" Skuld went over to her bedroom window and threw open the shades. The window was completely boarded up and wallpapered with demonic repelling wards. She turned around and gave a hateful stare to her sister. Without a word, she marched over to Urd's room and slid open the drapes only to find that the window there was also boarded up and decorated with wards. Room by room, Skuld found each and every window was in the same condition until she reached the front door. Opening it, she was greeted by solid wood covered with numerous crosses, stars, christmas ornaments and other holy symbols.

"I can explain." Urd sheepishly replied to the implied question.

"Well?" Skuld tapped her toe expectantly, "I'm waiting."

"Santa Claus is coming to town?"

Skuld walked away, down the hall and toward her workshop.

Incredulously, Urd watched her sister leave without starting a fight or doing something rash. What a refreshing change of pace, she wondered. "Wow." Then she heard a ticking sound. Looking down, she saw why. "Oh, wow." The Skuld bomb exploded, sending Urd through the boarded up front doorway and into the front lawn.

Urd lay there for a moment as wards and pieces of wood fell from the sky and onto her. A few minutes passed before the elder goddess had the strength to move. She sat up only to stare down the barrel of a very large gun. Banpei gave a friendly beep. His round eight ball like face had an evil grin drawn on it courtesy of a black marking pen. "What the...?"

"I can protect the temple as good as you." Skuld announced proudly. "Behold my newest upgrade! It's a multi-phasic particle beam, guaranteed to fry anything or anybody who tries to break in here."

"What made you build that? I didn't know that the Martians were coming." First Urd was wondering why Skuld made such a weapon, but then she was pleasantly surprised. This gun might be big enough to slow down that pervert before he's able to get past the Valkyrie's defenses. Maybe it's enough to discorporate him before his doublet could be promoted to a goddess. That way, that little freak would be out of their hair forever. Urd clasped her hands in joy. "You're a genius."

Skuld tossed her hair. "Naturally. After the Angel Eater, I needed something to make sure Noble Scarlet's safe. With this little toy, no Angel Eater stands a chance."

"How does it work?" She regretted asking the instant the words left her lips.

Fifteen minutes later, Urd was sleeping on the ground as Skuld kept drawing diagrams and equations on a white board she had brought out to demonstrate her theories. Once Urd started snoring, Skuld grew annoyed. "Banpei, lock on."

The little robot turned his head in all directions, stopped, and shrugged.

She pointed at her sleeping sister. "There's your target, Set to power level..." She went over the calculations in her head. "Two hundred."

Banpei's power cell hummed loudly as it channeled energy into the gun. He shot out a red beam from his forehead and it landed on Urd's midsection. The barrel of the gun tracked the red dot and locked on the target.

Satisfied that revenge was a dish best served with large caliber weapons, she weighed whether or not her sister should be conscious for the full effect. Sleep? Wake? Sleep? Smiling, she playfully called out to her sleeping sister.."Oh, big sister?"

Urd snored loudly.

"Wake up!" She screamed. That worked. Urd got up in a flash. She gazed at her baby sister with half lidded eyes.

"Maybe you'll pay attention to this." She raised her arm up and brought it down in the direction of her half-awake sister. "Banpei, fire!"

A bright ball of energy collected in the base of the barrel and a moment later, the barrel exploded, sending Banpei into the heavens and leaving a toasted Skuld standing in the bottom of a newly dug crater.

Urd sat there not really understanding why her sister decided to blow herself up. "You've got my attention now."

Skuld bombs rained down all around Urd. She barely had time to float a few meters before they all exploded everywhere.

Keiichi stood at the doorway of the temple, watching the fireworks display. "Will you two knock it off? I've got to get up early tomorrow." He yawned and went back to his bedroom, stopping at Belldandy's doorway. "Goodnight, Belldandy."

From the shadows, Belldandy slinked out, made a seductive pose and replied in her normal tone of voice. "Good night, Keiichi. Pleasant dreams." She then slid back into her room and under the covers of her bed, wearing nothing but a racy negligee. Her boyfriend, blissfully unaware of Belldandy's attire, yawned again and proceeded to his bedroom to get a good night's sleep.

Stepping out of the kitchen from the end of the hall, a black cat with a star on its forehead watched the area intently. She sat and kept silent vigil at Belldandy's door.

A beat up white hearse, swerved to avoid a slow moving car and barrelled down the highway as if the world's survival depended on it getting to its destination on time. Ray Stantz was driving and he lowered the window with impatience. He placed his hand just outside to force the night air into his face. He stopped holding his breath and breathed in the fresh air as he changed back from blue to a more natural color. "Man, that thing stinks."

Winston Zeddemore held his nose as a small puff of white smoke coming from the ghost trap in the back of the car hit him in the face. "What the heck did they feed that thing? Geez, didn't that thing ever hear of taking a shower?"

Egon looked up from his notes. "The Japanese value cleanliness. They bath almost religiously. It's possible that this demon isn't from the Japanese islands but from another pantheon."

Peter Venkman was taking in the sights as they went down the main highway toward Tokyo Bay. Once in a while he squirmed in his seat as Ray changed lanes. Cars driving on the left side of the road made Peter unconfortable. Egon's boring lectures were more uncomfortable. "And this is important, why?"

Dr. Egon Spengler opened up one of his notebooks and held out a sketch he made of Happosai. "Notice the demonic marks on his face. That's a typical trait of the Norse Pantheon. It's the tentacles I'm trying to figure out. There's no reference to them in Norse Mythology."

Peter looked out his car window again, not paying attention to Egon's lecture. "You do that. All I care about is getting back to New York and cashing this guy's check before he puts a stop payment on it."

Winston reverently put his hands together in prayer. "Amen to the almighty dollar."

"Actually, we were paid in yen." Egon volunteered.

"Yen?" Winston was a bit concerned. "We're still rich right? I mean, they're Japanese dollars, right?"

"Actually, a yen's worth about a penny."

Peter pulled out the check and read the amount without the last two digits. "A penny each? Ah, man, and here I thought I was going to get a penthouse with this."

Ray's shoulder's drooped. "Well, there went my idea of going to Tunguska to gather samples."

"There goes my raise." Winston moaned. "Do we have enough to pay me just a little bit more? Eleven-five a year sucks you know."

Egon took the check from Peter's hands. "That's just enough to cover all of our legal bills. You guys forget that being sued nearly put us out of business."

"Great, so we're still broke." Peter lifts his hands up in despair. "We just can't get a break can we?"

Ray turned his head to something that caught his attention in the rear view mirror. "Oh, that's all we need."

Peter exhaled in dismay. What started as a great evening was rapidly going downhill. "What?"

"We've got company." A siren wailed from behind their vehicle accompanied by a flashing red light.

Winston slid under his seat. "It was nice workin' with you."

Peter buried his face in his hand. "Not again. We save New York and we get busted. Now we save Tokyo and they bust us. Can't a guy make an honest living? It wasn't like this when I was interviewing co-eds back at Columbia."

Egon looked up from his work long enough to respond. "We're going 30 kilometers over the speed limit. He's just going to give us a ticket." He went right back to work.

The others breathed a sigh of relief. Ray took the next offramp and spotted a gas station. He pulled into the tiny island and shut off the motor.

Peter looked at the police vehicle in the passenger side rear view mirror and noticed it was an unmarked police car. The sedan was tan in color and it had a police light placed on the driver's side roof. "Cheater! If they're going to bust us at least give us a chance to slow down."

Egon turned around and spotted the police car. "Odd, they usually don't use unmarked cars for traffic stops."

Ray kept his hands on the steering wheel. "They do now."

Winston had reached the floor and was trying to hide under the back seat. "If anyone asks, I just hitched a ride with you."

Peter crossed his arms while being miffed in his seat. "It's a long swim back to the US of A."

"I'll be thinkin' of ya while I'm hitching a ride back while they send you to Sing Sing."

"That would be impossible." Egon said without looking up from his hand held computer. "Sing Sing won't take inmates arrested for crimes in Japan, we'd probably be incarcerated for a few days and then deported."

Peter slowly shook his head. "You're an encyclopedia of everything I never wanted to know. Have you been to Wikipedia?"

Egon looked up from his palm top computer. On it was a page from Wikipedia about the Norse gods. "Yes."

In the car behind the hearse, Officer Narita turned off the engine and turned to his superior. Detective Miyashi was covered in bandages and had a bad attitude. Being run over by a dozen people, only to awaken when an archway fell on him tended to bring down any thought of a good mood. Narita placed his hands down from the steering wheel and shook his head. "You sure you want to talk to them?"

"I'm sure. The kid's got immunity and now his family's gone. These people are the only one's I've got right now. Besides, from what I've heard about them, they're already pretty shady." He reached over and opened the passenger door and limped out of the car. He grabbed a wooden pole he had found back at the Tendo residence wreckage and used it like a crutch. He slowly walked around the door to to the passenger side of the hearse. As he walked, he peered into the windows and saw a smoking metal box in the back and an African American man attempting to hide under the back seat. Yep, these guys were pretty shady.

Peter poked his head out of the window and greeted the officer with a cordial smile. "Howdy, officer. I don't speak Chinese."

"Don't worry," spoke the detective in perfect English. "Neither do I."

Egon tapped Peter on the shoulder. "They speak Japanese here."

"Japanese, Chinese, it's all the same to me."

The detective saw no humor in Peter's statement. Taking these people downtown sounded like a great idea. Maybe a few days incarcerated, then a deportation should show these foreigners some respect, and it would help cheer up the detective. "You all look the same to me too."

"Really? Because I think I look a lot better than him." Peter pointed to Ray, who was busy looking elsewhere.

"I have some questions for you. Please step out of the car."

Peter smugly answered. "That's not a question."

"Out." He was not amused.

Peter got out of the car and offered his hand. "Professor Peter Venkman, at your service."

Miyashi relucantly took his hand to give it a shake. "Detective Miyashi, Nerima Ward, I want you to tell me what you were doing at the Tendo residence."

"That's classified."

Miyashi's eyes became slits as his blood pressure raised a single digit. "Oh, really." He said with a bit of sarcasm. "And why is that?"

"That's classified too."

In the back of the car, the small metal box jumped and landed with a loud clanking sound. Everyone within earshot turned their heads towards it in shock. Miyashi took a step back and put his hands up in a martial arts defensive posture. "What was that?"

Peter nonchalantly answered, "That's classified too."

"Classified or not, I need to see what you've got in the back."

Ray leaned over toward the passenger window, "You're not from the E. P. A. are you?"

"No, I'm with the Tokyo Police Department, homicide."

Peter scratched his own shoulder to get rid of an itch. "Well, I'm sorry to tell you, the guy's already dead. We're just here to make sure he says that way."

Another loud clang was heard from the back of the car. Winston got up from the floor of the back seat and rolled down his window. "Since when does that happen?" He opened the door and got out. A cloud of white smoke billowed out from the open door.

Seeing that the car appeared to be on fire and they were parked next to a gasoline pump, the detective wasted no time performing his job. "Narita, call the Fire Department!" He turned his attention to the two remaining occupants of the car. "Get out of the vehicle and I want all of you over there." He pointed to the mini-mart that controlled the gas pumps. He watched the men exit the car, coughing and wheezing from the pungent smoke and they assembled where they were told.

Winston elbowed Egon who was still typing something into his pocket computer. "You got the check, right?"

Egon pulled the check out of his pocket, showed it to a happy Winston and promptly put the check back into a safe place. He pulled up a web page on his computer and read the text. "Fascinating."

Miyashi, confident that no one was left in the car. He hobbled backwards, taking extra care not to aggravate his injuries. "Now, what's in that box you've got in the back? Is it dangerous?"

Egon looked up from his palm computer and looked the detective up and down. "For you, probably not."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you a female?" Egon asked scientifically.

Miyashi's eyebrows twitched and his blood pressure went up another few points. If this was another 'they all look the same joke' he was personally going to boot these men off the Japanese islands. "No."

"You've got nothing to worry about then."

The rear window of the hearse shattered as the ghost trap popped out and landed on the pavement. It kept on bouncing around and it landed on the hood of Narita's car. The officer jumped out of the vehicle and pulled out his gun. "Stop that thing!"

Ray blinked his eyes and faced his comrades. "Did that ever happen to you before?"

"No." "Nope." "No way in hell." Answered the trio.

Ray nodded in agreement. "Me neither."

"Turn that thing off!" Miyashi instantly regretted his words as the box turned and went straight for him. He dove to the side and landed in a small flower bed that was sitting in front of the mini-mart.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" Narita ran to assist the detective, all the while he kept his gun aimed at the Mexican Jumping Box.

Egon held up his hands in a warding sign, much like any other Japanese person would when they were showing shock or surprise. "I wouldn't do that. You could hit the power supply!"

Narita was too busy watching the box hop around, trailing a thick cloud of smoke that he didn't hear Egon's warning. He aimed his pistol and the moment the box hit the ground, he fired off a round. The bullet sparked off the metal and caused no real damage.

"Cease fire!" Ordered Miyashi as he got up from the flower bed. "We're at a gas station!"

Narita stood back, ready to take another shot when the box suddenly stopped jumping. It sat there, emitting even more smoke than before.

Peter slowly clapped his hands in mock applause. "I think you got it."

A device on Winston's belt started to beep. He pulled out the instrument and read the display. "What's going on? It is supposed to do that?"

"Oh, no." Ray took the little black box and read the readout. "The PK reading is growing exponentially."

"Is it like the river of slime?" Egon pulled up a note on his computer about their adventures with Psycho Kinetic slime that nearly destroyed New York.

"I think so, but it's rising at a rate I've never seen before."

"What are you blabbering about?" The detective was furious. What was supposed to be a routine questioning was turning into a long night.

Ray's forehead was covered in sweat. "I'd say we've got twenty seconds before we have a PK overload of biblical, even galactic proportions."

Winston sank to against the mini-mart entry doorframe. "So I've got twenty seconds to kiss my ass goodbye? I'm going inside to get a beer." He ran under the shop curtain and straight to the beverage section.

"Well Egon, think of something." Peter demanded. "I've got two tickets to Wicked and nothing's keeping me from seeing that show."

"What if we cross the streams?" Ray wondered aloud.

"In five seconds, not likely. Duck!" Egon hit the ground as did everyone else.

The beeping from the PK detector grew louder and faster paced until it was a solid loud tone. Suddenly, it was silent.

Peter peeked his eyes from behind the hands that covered his face. He lifted his head and saw that the ghost trap had stopped emitting smoke and wasn't moving anymore. Timidly, he slowly got up and brushed himself off. Around him, the few people that hadn't run screaming from the area stood up and milled about with a slight look of embarrassment. "Yeah, nothing to see. We meant to do that."

This had turned into a really long night and Miyashi was taking someone in. His victim was standing right in front of him. "Professor, I'm going to take you downtown for questioning."

"Why? What did I do?"

"Endangering public safety for one." He brushed himself off, taking a bit of care with the bandage on his arm. "Obstructing justice, and once the Hazmat team gets here, I'm certain I'll have you on pollution laws."

Ray frowned. "You are from the E. P. A., aren't you?"

"Never heard of them." He walked over to the box and picked it up by a black handle. "And this thing, will be checked in as evidence."

The three men collectively gasped as a red light blinked on the box. The three covered their heads and fell to the ground.

"Fool me once..." The detective said before the box exploded, leaving a small crater that had two men standing there. One, a tall bandaged detective who was in need of more bandages, and a short old man who also appeared to need medical help.

Happosai stood for a moment before the taller man started to fall on him. The gnome jumped out of the way and landed at the front of the mini-mart, just as Winston came out holding a bag filled with alcoholic drinks. "Don't mind if I do."

He snatched a large bottle of sake and slurped it down in one gulp, then threw the empty bottle to the ground in disgust. "Aw! That didn't work!"

Ray rolled his eyes. "There goes our paycheck guys."

"You mean this?" Happosai had the check in his hand. He lit it with a match, then used it to light his pipe. He inhaled from his pipe and grew angry. "That's not it either."

Egon pulled up his information on Happosai and read a few notes. "He's trying to recharge his powers. We've got to stop him."

"I could have told you that." He studied each and every person he could see. Every one of them was male except for the old woman across the street. She wouldn't do either. He stared at Detective Miyashi, who was pulling himself out of the crater. "There isn't a pretty lady in sight."

Miysahi felt strange. His injuries had healed and he felt light as a feather. With his new found strength, he easily got out of the hole in the ground. He pulled off his bandage on his right arm and found that the skin underneath was completely flawless. In fact, it was too flawless. Gone was the fine hair that normally was on his skin. He followed his arm and got a good look at his hands.

Odd was a word that only scratched the surface at how his slender hands appeared to him. His wedding ring felt loose and his fingers were thinner than he remembered. At the tips were finely manicured french tipped fingernails. He put his hands up and turned them around to examine them carefully.

Only a few meters away, stood a happy drooling pervert. "P-p-pretty lady!"

His tranformation was complete. Her cup size was officially a D and her measurements would rival that of a woman who posed for Playboy Magazine. Miss Miyashi's long black hair grew down to the small of her back and her suit and tie changed into a little black evening dress with matching black pumps. Pantyhose appeared on her legs and a light amount of makeup adorned her flawless facial features. The now female detective didn't have time to fully comprehend what happened before she had something attach itself to her breasts with an iron grip.

"Hotcha!" Happosai sucked out her energy in the only the way a true pervert could, through burying his face in her bosom. Without a word, the detective's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell backwards into the crater.

A moment later, a fully charged dirty old man jumped out of the pit, screaming in delight. "I'm hot tonight! Now, off to find the ladies!" Quickly, he bounded out of sight.

The Ghostbusters looked at each other in dismay and terror. Peter held out and open hand and placed a clenched fist in it. "Everyone in favor we leave town, say aye!" He raised his hand.

The other three raised their hands.

Peter nodded. "The aye's have it!"

Narita came out of shock and slowly approached the crater, fearful that whatever happened to the detective was contagious. He kneeled down and looked into the crater and found his boss lying on the bottom wearing his suit and tie and he was back to normal.

Miyashi opened his eyes and stared at the sky. "This has been a really, really long night."

Nodoka Saotome felt happy as she slowly closed the door to the spare bedroom. Inside, on the floor in assorted sleeping bags was the Tendo family. Kasumi, at her father's insistence, slept in the bed, while the rest slept soundly in their travelling bags. Nabiki's bag was the one that seemed to be in pristine condition while poor Ranko's looked like it had been used non-stop for years. Mrs. Saotome insisted Ranko use her son's old blanket. The girl was so grateful, she seemed on the verge of tears when she hugged it as if it was a long lost treasure.

As the woman walked to her empty room. she couldn't help but wonder at the strange things that happened this night. Ranko and Akane kept making verbal jabs with each other in such a way that it was almost like they were a long married couple. If she didn't know any better, it was as if those two had feelings for each other. That was silly, they're both girls and almost sisters for that matter.

Still, when the minister announced he was performing a lesbian wedding, Akane didn't raise an objection. That made her very concerned about that Tendo's upbringing. Akane had been acting more like a boy than a girl ever since she had met her, yet the young Tendo wanted so hard to try to learn to be a good wife by working in the kitchen. She had already mastered boiling water and her curry could use a little work, but it was decent. However, her violent streak wasn't going to win her a husband and she had to be more like Ranko. She was going to be a perfect wife one day.

Nodoka couldn't understand why she was drawn to the red-headed Tendo. Most of the time, she was a perfect lady, but sometimes she was more of a tomboy than Akane. Tonight was the first time she saw just how much of a tomboy she really was. It was as if Ranko was a man. She charged into battle, defended that Devil Hunter and those martial arts moves... Where did she learn those from? Soun was a great martial artist, just like her husband, but what she saw was beyond anything she'd ever seen when her husband do when he was winning those tournaments.

That was so long ago, she thought. She closed the door to her bedroom and went to her dresser drawer. On top of it was a faded old photograph with an expensive looking silver frame. It was a picture of her, holding her little boy in her lap. She remembered that day well. She had taken Ranma to the park and he was climbing the trees, showing off his skills to the other kids. There was even a little boy he played with before the boy's father took him away when they took their okonomiyaki business to another city. Mr. Kuonji was kind enough to take this picture only a few days before he left. It was a few months later, when Ranma left too.

She opened the top drawer and there was the paper that sealed her fate. On it, was a promise that her son would return someday, a man among men, or he and his father would perform seppuku, ritual suicide. Silently, she prayed that she would never have to perform the task of being their second; the swordsperson who'd slice off the heads of the condemned once they had plunged their short swords into their bellys. It was a mission of mercy, but the only mercy she would feel was when she would use the Saotome family katana to slit her own throat to follow her son to the grave. No, Ranma would never disappoint her. He was a man, someone any mother would be proud to call her own. She had to have faith.

She lit a long match and used it to light two candles. She clapped her hands twice and made the same prayer she did every night for the last ten years. "Please, ancestors, watch over my son and my husband. Bring my son home."

As she lay down in her bed, she felt at peace. Somehow, she knew her prayer had been answered.

Cologne sat in her bedroom, reading from an ancient text. She closed the book and hopped on her cane. Her long white hair billowed as she hopped toward a bookcase and she grabbed two books of interest and went back to her desk to study. She reached out to turn the page when she stopped to examine her hand. It was shriveled, aged and old. She sighed in envy at the few moments she had that reminded her of the body that she had thought she was never going to see again; the body of her youth. She and Shampoo were only five hundred meters away from the Tendo home before she felt the years catch up to her. In only a few moments, her body and clothes reverted to their natural form.

Despite her desire to regain that youthful body, she thought the better of it. Anything involving Happosai came with a terrible price and something as priceless as eternal youth had to have a cost just as infinitely valuable. Whatever that cost was, Cologne was wise enough to know that it was too high. Still, she allowed herself a smile, because that little taste of her lost years was something that was going to make this old woman remember that she's still got a little spark left in her old bones. Going back the her study, she read a few paragraphs before there was a knock at the door. "Come in Shampoo."

The purple haired Amazon girl came in holding a bowl of ramen. "Here you go, Great-Grandmother, dinner!" She carefully placed the bowl on the table, close enough for her elder to easily reach it, yet a respectful distance away from the ancient Amazon texts.

"Thank you, child." She turned the page and found a picture that caught her interest. "Oh, heavens, Happi!"

"What you find, Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo edged closer to get a better look.

The old woman looked up at her descendent and star pupil. "This is what he's become." She pointed to the picture. It was of a hideous looking monster with long tentacles emerging from its back.

Shampoo barely kept her revulsion in check. "What that? It disgusting."

"Happi always had that effect on women. This, my dear child, is a demon of Perverted Sex." She read some of the prose. "The only good thing it says is that these creatures only live for a few days, but while it's alive, it performs acts of pure evil."

"What we do?" Shampoo was scared. Happosai was evil, but if his evil was increased by any number greater than one, it was a horrible thought indeed. This may be the right time to convince Ranma to accompany her to China or beyond.

Cologne read the text to the bottom of the page, and the next page made reference to a different kind of demon. "It seems that there's nothing we can do but ride this out. There's nothing in here to say what can do to defeat this creature. It's as if they die off before anyone can attempt any sort of countermeasure. I hate to say it, but this battle is already won. We just have to wait few days, and Happosai will die." She sat back in her chair. "Oh, Happi, you've really screwed up this time."

Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and I won't inform your friends and family that you've secretly read Mad Magazine.

Last edited on Friday, July 6, 2007

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